Despite It, On I Love.

Do I do this to myself every single time? It’s just so extremely hard to avoid a determined heart. When the silence falls around me, this rush of pain finds its way to my eyes. I immediately react but fail miserably to stop it. As the weather cries outside, I wish its sunny days related to me more. The moment I do find that hope, I keep it. But somehow it’s too hard to let it paste a smile on my face. It’s like fighting in a battle and continuously falling. And yet I still get up each time.

Is it so wrong of me feel the way I feel? I know I must be strong, but that doesn’t stop the fact that it all hurts. I used to live for tomorrow by telling myself things will be better eventually. And although I believed my days would get brighter in time, I needed to be content with now. I didn’t want to miss out on my today.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I feel like there’s this big knife stabbing into my heart. And it doesn’t go away. I have no way to explain myself anymore. I don’t even know what to write… I just repeat myself over and over and over, as if to convince myself that I know why this has happened and that writing it out will help me. Putting it all into words has never been so tough. I don’t want to walk away though. I don’t want to give up and become a failure. I don’t want to take the “easy road.”

I will keep going. I will keeping loving.