I Stand Back Up For You.

Do you know what I thought of the moment my hands hit the ground? Do you know what I saw when I ever so harshly closed my eyes? My heart pounded much faster than its comfort zone. Perhaps you forgot how fast I got back up on my feet. Maybe you didn't notice that I found my perfect solution to each cry. Or maybe you just looked away the moment I stood to my feet and continued on. Because you see, I've gone out of my way to straighten my priorities. You happen to sit nicely near the top and to push you away would spell selfish across my face.

The moment my hands hit the ground, I thought of you. What I saw when I closed my eyes was your indescribable smile. And I know you may not understand, and you may think that I am only hurting myself. But, my dear, I am not. For I am growing beyond what you can imagine and I'm loving you just the way you are. You became my true test. I only desired that I would ace this test because I do love you.

Unfortunately for me, I'm not quite sure you've chosen to love me for me. And although I want to believe it with my entire heart, I fear our situation was twisted in unintentional ways. I am who I am just as much as you are who you are. And I only wish you'd love me just the same as I love you. Somehow though, I will be silently scolded by you. You've whispered into my heart that I will not be receiving the respect you used to have. I chose to look beyond that, I chose to forgive you and forget it. And as it quietly haunts my mind, I still have enough faith to believe that you did not mean it.

Maybe you've pushed me outside of your heart because you were afraid of how close I got to it. Maybe you're so apprehensive to feel any type of guilt that you pretend none of this matters. But it does matter, you see. You do care. And at the small, tiny moment that you realized it, you ran to a hiding place. This is not what you want, yet it was happening to you. So you put me softly on the other side of your wall so that I cannot touch you. I went along with it and I stood smiling at you through the window just to keep a friendship with you. And from that distance, I was just glad to see you smile in return.

Darling, you do not need to pretend anymore. Please just promise me you will not throw away what we both secretly know we've created. Our roots are too deep, and I'm just not strong enough to dig them out. For I'm hardly strong enough to be strong in front of you. But when you look at me, my tears are much too afraid to meet you. But I sincerely do wish that if they ever escape my eyes, you will know then that I truly do love you. Just enough to fall a part for you.

I stand right back up to continue on so I can see you happy.
Again.