Burning Crave.

I silenced myself. I kept it inside and suffered again. I swallowed it inside of me and played pretend. I regretted it later and bite my tongue still. You hold the pages I want to write sincerely on, to even explain a piece of this. I try to dismiss this, but my mind dislikes my attempt. The craving is eating at me like an animal, as I keep pushing it aside. Instead of giving in and holding on, I push you. Instead of giving in to such a craving, I hit you. I immediately become disappointed that I'm doing so, and I wish it would stop haunting me. I can't just not believe in what became literally clear to me. My daydreaming is taking over my life. Why won't it stop? Why can't my mind just be still? For once.

I'd call this a train ride with no destination in your eyes. And that's what bothers me. I deal with such a heartbreaking fear of losing you. Not knowing where this will ever go with the way it is now kills me within. I've the heart to hold you close, but you hold out no hand to grab. Miraculously, I hold not this against you. But to love you has become the easiest and hardest task I've ever been given. No part of me wants to discontinue such love I've set out to give. But the more I do, the more I break. I become so attached as the burning flame inside of me grows stronger. There is absolutely no way I can put it out now.

I admit. I want you to hold me. And it kills me that you're not. I feel so unable to contain this with normality. I've absconded from the world, from all eyes that might read me. It's as if I've been running too fast for my feet to keep up and I'm now laying flat on my face, seeking enough strength to at least cry. I've pictured the smaller version of you and I've weeped an intense amount. I've come to acknowledge that you're the most special person I've ever met. And I cannot imagine a life without you. Because of this, I'm extremely happy you're here. Despite our circumstances. I wish that was enough to ignore the burning passion.

If this does not pain you, then I've taken it away.