Am I the Only One?

I feel I may be the only one holding on to such memories. It causes me to cringe inside. I'm wanting so desperately to take over the situation, as if God stopped paying attention.  But the truth is, I stopped paying attention. I forget to call upon God to help me and I pay not attention to the battle I once fought so hard in. I run through each day that passes, and only pause to think about how I miss you. Quickly I continue on as you still remain glued in my heart. I was so determined to fight, and never give up. And now...I can't even love you anymore. Because you're not around to receive it.

You don't seem to be taking any effort into apologizing for how you abruptly left, or the threat you easily placed in my hands as you departed. I allowed you the choice to let it happen, but I didn't know it'd turn out the way it did. I wanted to talk to you, but you only knew how to push me away. I am still willing to love you, but why on earth am I still hurting? Why does it sting so very much to have you away? Why does it touch the most sensitive part in my heart? I'm one cry away from running to you, and one mistake away from failure.

I tried so hard. I held in my pain around you, I found happiness with you, and I attempted to give you what you needed. I always saw a better version of you waiting to bloom, but you backed up each time. I want to reach out to you, as I always have before. I want to be me to you again. Life does go on without you, I am alive, and I can live without you. But what's the point?