God, You Must Really Love Him.

I know he does not choose me,
That eventually wasn't the point.
I know he does not choose You,
You let me know the feeling.
You allowed me to know,
To see.
To grow.
To love with an undying love.
To understand Your greatness.
You've given me the eyes to see,
The heart to believe,
And the patience to endure.
No anger stays within me,
No pain when he's around.
I smile when he smiles,
And give all that I can.
I ask for nothing in return,
And love nonetheless.
As I celebrated his existence,
I left home with one thought:
"God, you must really love him."

God does not give up on whom He calls. To answer Him is to accept paradise.

It Has Faded.

I should have known that the anger would fade quickly as it always did. I've fought you in my mind and heart for so long. The good memories of you and I are almost haunting. There is and always will be a difference you hold that no others can compare to. You see, I do not want to depart from you with anger or hate. If I leave, I will leave just as unintentional as I came. I'd want to leave you with the honest truth.

I know it's unfortunate that we'd have to part yet again for such as reason as what it is. But there was nothing I could have done to change it. It was always your personal choice. I've always made these changes just for you. I could have never asked you to do anything for me. I just couldn't.

The reason I came along, or at least one of them, has so far proven to be ineffective. It's the main reason that I'd depart in sadness. You've changed completely since the day I met you. But I still remember that young man that got my attention and gave me more than I could have wished for back then. I still remember your young heart putting a light and hope in my eyes. I remember how well you paid attention to me without trying, and somehow I grew into the person I am today. I like to see that as a big reason why you came along. I needed you, somehow. I did.

I'm fighting my mind to not sing about you, but do know you gave me so many words to turn into music. I want to respect your wish though.

I always said I do not understand you, nor this. I'm in high hopes that one day I will understand it. ♥

A New Chapter.

God can use anyone and anything for the great plans He has for us. He prepares an escape before we're even trapped. And that is what I see He has done for me. When a knife was about to stab my heart, God turned me away and reminded me of my worth. He saw me fight as hard as I could and He's taken me away just so I could be held in His arms for a while.

Looking back I see an entirely different life. One that I once sulked in. A life that I learned to give up to save another. Perhaps I've finally been called away. Not because I've failed, but because I did exactly what I needed to. I left an invitation letter to paradise for someone that will forever remain in my heart. I won't be walking away, I'll simply be walking down the path that leads me to everlasting life with a simple hope that they'll accept the invitation and join someday.

As that door closes, another will be opened. I feel at peace. I have finally found myself ready. Maybe all I needed was that boost. Maybe all I needed was a sudden realization that I could not be properly loved if I stayed in that sorrow. I learned how to love unconditionally and give without expecting a penny in return. For that, I will happily leave empty handed just to prove it. I do not feel that story is over, but rather that it's time to move to something that will grow me again. I'll leave what I've left behind to God and know He's got this.

Another chapter in life awaits me, and I hope to speak just as loudly to each new soul that finds their way into my life! To love and give hope to. To spread the happiness and the joy. To believe.

With God, all things are possible.
Matthew 19:26

The End of a Storm.

And just like that it is all coming to a conclusion.

My time was spent wisely and I can only hope my point was made. It will not be I who he turns down but God. And as I still say a prayer that God will not give up on him, I have to hand him over. I have loved as best as I could the entire time. The feelings that I possessed weren't nearly important. But it was rather my calling. Did I go wrong somewhere along the line? I'm not quite sure. Maybe in the end I slowed down because I lost the knowledge of how to properly fight. But I am done. Is God done? Certainly not. It is my time to just be still and know. To just put my entire trust into my Creator and hope that the difference I made will someday be noticed, even if it takes a long time.

He has made his point plenty of times, I heard it once, twice, ten times and more. I understood it from the first time just as much as I understood it from the last time. The only problem is that he never heard me. He never got my point, nor did he ever get the hint. He sadly headed toward a road of selfishness and I broken-heartily watched him downgrade. Would he ever know how silent I made myself for the sake of him? Would he know how much I sacrificed as to keep him happy and not upset with me? No, probably not. Because all the right things go unnoticed and all the wrong things are clear as day.

I pray now that I may gain my patience back. I pray that I can still see him with love and not give in to anger. He is a human being, just as I am. No matter how many mistakes we each make, we're all loved equally by God. Even if not all of us accept His love, He still offers the same amount to each of us. Whether we come to Him early in life, or at last minute. Our wages are the same.

I stuck around to love him not for myself. I did it for him. I did it for him because without him, I would still be loved and saved by God. Without him, I could still live my life and know that in the end, I will be protected. But I too often questioned where he stood. I too often wondered if he was missing out on the blessings God prepared for him. I loved him so that he would understand, so that he would see how utterly in love God is with him. I loved him unconditionally, no matter how much it hurt, JUST SO HE COULD SEE.

All that I've done for him, all that I've accomplished, and the faith that I stubbornly kept will not go unnoticed to God. You see, this had nothing to do with my feelings. Yes, I gave in to them, I cried over them, but I was determined to get right back up once again and fight. To him I needed to move on. To me...I was afraid to see him suffer the consequences he risked. I was afraid to let the world suck him in so deep that he'd end up on the floor again with no strength to continue on.

This was a battle for a lost soul, a soul who needed a pick-me-up. I knew my heart meant well by its ability to persevere. I knew God could pull me out of anything if I fell too far, or too deep into the pain along the way. I knew I would be safe, I would make it through. I knew that when I died one day, God would take me Home. But it was that particular being placed into my life that I questioned. It was THEIR soul that became important. And determined to see that changed, I accepted the calling and prepared myself.

But my time must be over. I am no longer wanted nor needed by him. I can no longer be that person in his life. So I give him up to God and ask...that He never gives up on him. And I'll never give up the hope for a miracle I'd die to see.

Jesus died for you, my dearest moose. And I got to learn why. I hope you consider Him soon.