Fear.

This is the part I forget I dread. I get here and I wish I knew a way out. I'm struggling with fighting fear and to be okay I have to stare directly at God. But I get distracted with tear drops and the broken feeling of my heart. My prayers turn into screaming cries to Heaven, asking Him "why?" more than necessary. I stop understanding what I had so much faith in days before and I wish time would rewind. Of course, I only desire to go forward because I cannot afford to repeat. But I only hope and pray my feet find the strength to at least crawl. The odd part is we're smiles and laughter, making my sorrow senseless. I'm happy with you. I really am. But fear keeps telling me I'll lose it all. And it's the one thing I'm having a hard time ignoring. The one thing I give to God tonight.