God is such the perfect encourager and reminder to have faith. He gives me enough reason yet again to keep my head up and believe. But yet I'm silently tearing up over what is the now, wanting it all just to end. But I know if there occurs a good-bye, I can almost assure you I'll be crying nightly, if not always. I try hard not to allow this to get to me, but the thought of it hurts. Then I think back on God's Word, God's promise, and God's faithfulness and I tell myself to smile and keep going.
How much longer do I wait? How much further do I go? It may not be necessary knowledge, nor is it for me to know. But curiously I wonder how much I can even endure. I feel closer to the end, and weaker by the day. I pray I'm not wasting time. I pray I make it through. Because if he not be the prize at the end, then I admit the fear of the deepest pain to exist. As I wish for it all to end, it seems the only way out is in. Just to have him love me just the same in return. But either way, I still love him.
I find that's all that matters in the end.
I will remain in high hopes that through my colloquy of heart to confession, you will come to thoroughly penetrate the very entity of my enduring fidelity.
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