Blurrier.

Sometimes I forget you for a moment and I'm living a completely different life. Maybe it's what you want me to feel, to know, to think, to be. But all too easily in the silence of my lone self you come rushing at me like a train. I guess I'm still stuck on the fact that you'll eventually cross my path again and my questions will be answered. I'm believing that this is just a season without you, and then I'll get back on that train and continue on with you. I made such small attempts to shove an open door in your face. You never took the bait or responded to the hint. Easily I planted such terrible thoughts about how you may feel or think toward me.

You were once my best friend, and explaining you as the past is not my ideal way to speak. How could two people go from a night spent with laughter and a sincere bond to nothing at all? How could this have been thrown away as easily as it was? You turned around and made the decision I never thought you could. You stood your ground, so determined to make me forget you. You played the part so well, leading me to believe you hated the decision. But you never hated it nearly enough to fix it. For that, I eventually fell apart.

It's so unfortunate for me how you made me feel like I mattered so much. How you paid attention to me even if I was irrational. You got me gifts like you looked highly upon me, and took care of me like you loved me more. You cannot blame me for wanting to be attached to exactly that. You never failed to give me reason to still adore you. But when everything we built came crashing down, I knew I still wanted to love you.

As you become a blurrier vision with each passing day, I wonder tremendously so how it would be to see your smile again.