Unfortunate Feeling.

I made an utterly horrible mistake by observing your new bracelet the night we baked at your house. It took me that long to notice the details because I purposely averted my eyes from it. I got a fear inside of me that it held meaning of something I didn't want to know.What's so unfortunate is that I'm facing something I've always been so against, an action I planned to avoid committing. It's an awkward one too. One that would make me lie if I said it wasn't true. It's not done purposefully though. I try to push it away.

My mind wants to say it is unfair. It wants to rip apart what you've created. It wants to fight my heart so badly. I keep pushing this to the side. I keep shutting my mouth from you. I keep pretending whilst aching and falling apart. I do want to be myself with you, but myself wants to grab hold of your arm during a walk and just hold on. Myself wants to end our messages with "I love you." Myself wants to be truly happy without it being a problem. Myself wants to have my name on that bracelet.

I cannot do this at all. I cannot. I am not. I am not handling it. I am not okay. I am not happy with it. I am not content. I am not living properly. I am not yours.

Because of that, I am facing jealousy.

And I hate it.