The Curiosity Increased.

I'm sure this is perfectly normal for a 22-year-old. To have such wonders, wants, and curiosities. I get these split-second urges to do something about the lack in my life of a certain thing, but I've not enough impatience to drop all that I've worked for and waited for just to have a temporary fulfillment. Now, I'm sure this hardly makes any sort of sense, and there's really no other way to say it without being straight forward. Ultimately I think it's the most silliest thing to admit, but in the end, I do nothing about it to change it. I don't feel it's in my control or in my hands.

Or is it?

Is it really my fault? I've waited this long and now it feels like just the right time to find what I've lacked. Because I've purposely waited, and fought a long battle where I had to ignore these thoughts and feelings and live without being fulfilled my wishes and desires. I'm just a normal human being, a young lady at that, and I'm growing more each day. The curiosity is seriously going to kill me! I know it won't last long. And I'm probably one step away. But the key is...to control it. It's what I've been doing. I go through stages.

Then I get a glimpse of what it might be like and suddenly I'm a starving child, craving the tiniest amount of food. I hold myself back, I accept yet another day without. But why on earth was I made this way and allowed to even FEEL this? I've heard every advice I could be given, I've encouraged myself, and I do NOTHING based off my feelings. You could encourage me to wait, and trust me, I will! It's what I've been doing. You could tell me not to worry about it, and I'm not worrying. I'm curious! I'm starving! I'm being silly, right? I know it'll be worth the wait. It already feels  beyond worth the wait. If I had it now, I'd be beyond thankful and I'd love a tons more than I allow myself to now.

Because the truth is...I want what will last forever, and I'll put my time and effort into making it the absolute best. I have learned to love a person who did not give back as much, love as much, or desire anything more at all. After such a lesson, I know for a fact that I will overly appreciate when my times comes and I receive the opposite. The right one. The person I can accomplish dreams with, shine a light with, and share a life with. He must be out there somewhere! I've saved myself for him. And I know he'll recognize me when I come along. Somehow.

I selfishly pray that is soon because life without him is getting really difficult. He keeps me waiting, curious, and going insane for that warm hug! He may not know he's doing this to me, but he is. He's the one I'll say yes to, the one I'll help and lift up with kind words. It isn't just anyone. It's SOMEONE. A particular person, chosen ahead of my time. To make this world a better place, together he and I.

♥

Wherever you are, you're driving me crazy! Yet I wait for you... ♥