After All This Time.

It's an incredible thought to look at someone and allow time to fly back four and a half years ago and realize how involved you've become in their story. You've watched them grow from the person you didnt' know, to the person you hold close to your heart. At one point they were but a stranger, but now as you know many of their deepest concerns and the many trials they've faced, they're a light in the dark and a celebrity in a crowd full of people.

It almost seems unreal that a certain happiness is back into my life. I didn't see it happening the way it did, but now I'm more thankful than ever. I can hardly even believe that I spent three months without it. I look back at those months and picture myself again. I remember how broken I was at times, but how I got myself to still stand, to still run the race. I believed in what I could not see and held my head up. And here I am, smiling at how far I've come.

I feel like I don't even deserve this though, but yet it's here. It's as if he and I are not focusing on the unfortunate, but rather what matters. When we decided our friendship was indestructible, I sincerely believed it. I'll always hold him close to my heart, whether he be miles away, or merely inches. But to see him smile and laugh puts joyous feeling inside of me. It's as if I'm right where I need to be. Not that he's my world, but that he's better than the world. To me, he is something more than just a person. He's the one I would die for, the one that believes in me, and the one that knows how to make me laugh.

When I say he believes in me, it means an incredible amount and I really do see it from him. Anything I desire to do, to be, or anywhere I wish to go, he knows that I can. He praises me for my accomplishments and enjoys my creations for the arts that I am involved in. And as my 5th birthday with him around approaches, I feel more special than ever. His want to get me a gift will be better than a gift. His effort to remember my day will be better than his "Happy birthday." And the time he takes out of his day to see me will be better than what we do. I see it clearer this time, how much he cares for me. I've had such a hard time believing, but he doesn't have to say it because he shows it. He doesn't have to confess he loves me because he shows it. And even if I must repeat the past of losing him due to my inevitable attraction to his entire self...I now know that I can in fact endure. I can let him go when he wishes to go, and I can love him when he returns.

This may not be a proposal with an invitation to keep him, but having him around is my greatest happiness nonetheless.

Why be ashamed of this honest truth when it means more than a lot to me?

I hope he knows he has my heart.