Built Hope.

It's a bit hard to keep my mind from reading you. It wants to dig as deep as it could go to figure this all out. You quite remind me of myself sometimes, with all that you do for me. You've been doing a lot more than before, which has indeed brought a vast amount of happiness. In a way it is making up for what I lacked for a while. But in another way it is a lot more than I dare to ask for from you. I know exactly why I gave as much as I have, and why I laugh as much as I do. But you...you're a mystery I'm hesitating to figure out.

But your anger scares me. Why have I not noticed it before? I suppose I have, but you controlled it so well. Now I'm not one-hundred percent sure when you mean something seriously, or when you're jokingly throwing out harsh words into my ears. It's such a confusing stormy sea of emotions mixed with a lot of sunshine and good deeds. Can I really make you happy? Is this really what I ask myself still to this day?

You're paying attention to me more. You're teasing me a lot, joking, and tossing tiny compliments that I'm not sure are real or not. You seem so genuine but I'm much too used to it never meaning what it looks like. You're the most complex human book I've ever attempted to read and I've understood it all too wrong in the past. You appear to see me differently but I'm so afraid to say a word about this. I'm afraid to hear the same thing all over again about how this is not the way it seems.

You're loving me while building up a hope inside of me that has been sky-high and shattered in a matter of three years. You're appearing to desire something and I'm much too afraid to find out the truth... Just in case I'm wrong yet again. I've been believing for so long that it's possible, never wanting to give up. But I just cannot get myself to understand. I'm so used to what we do not have.