Unfortunate Attachment.

Sometimes it feels so unfortunate, the attachment I have with you. Even the smallest things are noticed and brought to my mind like a hammer hitting the wall between us. It's not a race, and I hate to ever think it is. Trying to fit myself in your schedule. If you don't care to have me in it, why shove myself there? You've now said it enough times to remind me that I need to reserve you ahead of time. But I'm not going to use all of my energy in trying to make it in time. I have no reason to reserve because I have no other reason to be around you but to feel happy. How can I make up more than what I already have with excuses to see you?

She always felt like a competition that I tried so hard not to take part in, not to feel, not to think. I ignored it as hard as I can. She was the complete opposite of me. But here is the honest truth. I always disliked how much it affected me to know you'd be with her. Somehow it seemed she was a part of an untold plan to get you away from me. How ridiculous is it to hold all of this in out of fear that I'd ruin us? So let us be ruined by you if that be your wish. I do hate how this has hurt me. The simplest things like getting you a ring made me feel I'd be able to make you happy when you wished you could have reason to wear one. In the end, you forget to put it on in the morning and did the exact exchange with her. Seeing it on your finger slaps me every time.

WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HURT ME?

Why on earth would this have been done to me?

I just want to love you without such an unfortunate attachment... :'(