Messed.

I never wanted to blame you before. Of course, at that time things were going okay compared to the now. But you did. You teased me throughout our entire friendship and unexpectedly you shattered me by your actions. On top of that, you prolonged the pain by hiding it and making much worse when it hit. Now you found new priorities and as you find time for your selfish wants, you forget previous commitments you made. Or attempted to make. You reached out to me when I was uncomfortably sleeping on the floor, and as things changed and I received a bed back, you couldn't sacrifice time to follow through with your offer to take me to replace my mattress. Something as simple as that, something that may not entirely matter, just represents what you've done and who you've become.

You know  your life has become a disappointment to someone who may not be around anymore, but meant a lot to you. And even though in your mind and heart you feel you've found happiness, you threw away what you once said mattered just to have it. It didn't matter if you had someone who loved you unconditionally, that didn't satisfy your selfish wants. And even when they wanted so much so to listen to you and help you through, you could never let them. It didn't matter to you.

You make it public, this selfish act. You made it so hard on me. You messed me up. You really did.