Again.

Here I am again, right back at the beginning it seems. I felt discouraged and put down because of a dream, which affected me subconsciously. But in reality I wasn't doing the best. I thought I'd do as I usually do and step back again. Then as I arrive at the party I'm realizing that my mind is becoming fully aware that I will see you. Ignoring it quickly I forget and say my hello's. But the moment our eyes met as I looked over on accident, not knowing you were there, you saw me. It was during my glance, so I didn't bother to take that second look. Moving on, I pretend to be present around my friends, even though I already entered that other world I'm used to.

Moments later you came inside and say hello and I smiled for you, because I still love you. Despite my pain and confusion, I was still so happy to see you. You then came over and explained that you had a gift for me. Internally I jumped up, but in reality I slowly got up from my seat and followed you. When you gave me a rock, which holds more meaning than anyone could understand, I was content. But when you handed me an extra little gift, so simple and small, I was attached to you all over again. And although it makes me mad how easy it is for me to forgive you, in all honesty, it feels meant to be.

I try not to stare, I try to avoid gazing into those eyes of yours because I know I'll get sucked in so deep if I do. But it's almost no fair how much it affects me. I am being teased just by you sitting next to me. Just by you talking to me. And does this mean that we have to break off our what-seems-our-undying-friendship? Again? I know I dream big. Settling for less or giving up is so unlike me. Getting my heart to change its mind once it's made up is like taking candy from a baby. I cannot do it, either. I just cannot.

So here I am again, placed right back where I started. Drawn to you because you know how to make me happy. Drawn to you because when I try to let go, or when I try to ignore you, you come back better than ever. Drawn to you because I know you and you know me so well. Because you make me feel worth it. Because you motivate me to try. Because you give me words to sing and without you, I cannot utter a decent melody. Without you, I am only but half a person.

You were placed in my life at the time I would have never guessed I needed you. I've battled and fought for so long, trying to figure out what I should do. As every arrow pointed to you, I gave in and loved you hard. Now I've felt so hopeless, so broken, and I simply pray that God pulls me out. I pray He makes a way where there seems to be no way and gives me the strength to carry on. I pray He never gives up on you.

He taught me how to love you, and He's the reason I could never give up.

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