A New World.

I realize there's a world I've never been to before. I knew this, but I never would have know the reality of it. Even now I still sit in wonder. But the closer I feel to this world, the more my heart becomes intimidated. It's not that I'm afraid, but I'm completely new to it all. I don't know how to speak the language because I've always only daydreamed my guess on it. Maybe I was afraid I wouldn't like it when it began to feel closer. I had no intention to assume this world was inviting me in. But it feels like it's at the tip of my fingers.

Maybe I'm being completely silly. I feel it fading now, the uncomfortable feeling you get when you begin to experience homesickness. Perhaps that's it. I stepped into a state of homesick. I know it goes away once you get used to this something new. And soon enough you reach the point of fearing the goodbye. Your heart begins to become strong and wants to build a new home.

This metaphor comes from my first trip out of state. I was so happy to meet my friend and collaborate with our photography. I arrived after such a long ride and wait and she was happy to see me. As hours passed, I began to feel weird. I knew how far I was from home. It was my first time being so distant. I didn't miss home and dislike Utah, but I wasn't used to it. I grew homesick and felt odd for a while. My friend cheered me up though and as the week went by, I became completely used to the new area and being away from everything familiar.

Things take time. I may be scarred and fragile, but I know that the right person will be able to help me grow and build me up to be stronger. I imagine that one day I will finally experience the step in life where a best friend becomes a husband. Anything in between will be all that is new to me and I have no intention to rush it. My heart is hesitant and my mind is quick. Not the best mix, but I intend to go by this heart I've carried through everything. It's only weak because I've worked it too hard. It is now only beginning to build a new strength.

The world I was so curious about will accept me just the way I am. No matter how long it takes me to get over my homesick feelings. I must remember to be myself and slow down. I never knew what I was wanting until I felt it accessible and closer. The moment that happened, I inevitably stepped back and saw that I had no idea how to handle it!

It's a journey. A new one. And I may not be alone this time.