He Wants YOU.

Oh, if I could tell you how much it hurt to find out what you had been lying about and why, I would. Instead though I have decided to let God take that pain to help me through this. I'm not one to give up though, or change my mind easily. I was brought here and I'm determined to find out why by continuing on.

This seems like one big mistake you are making, but a mistake that has an escape. You need sincere love, especially in your state of anger. God needs you, my dear. He has been calling you and knocking on your heart since the day He saved you from that floor. And you know exactly which day that was. I wasn't there, but He was. He had the courtesy to change me and build me up before sitting me next to you. He also taught me how He wanted you to be loved. He has amazed me through this, how He could feel this way for you.

It is unfortunate how this has affected me, how it stabbed my heart deeply. But I know I let myself stay here. I agreed to do this, and I'll endure. I always felt like we were so meant to be. But I knew that we weren't ready for more even if you did feel the same because we had to learn lessons. If only I knew if you were learning yours--as I am learning mine, day by day.

There is an awful thought in my mind about you--I wish it would go away. I keep avoiding thoughts that pop into my mind concerning what you just opened up about. I picture you as someone totally different, someone that would make me shatter in brokenness. At this moment I need God the most. I've been calling on Him and He has wrapped me in His arms with one thought in my mind. "Love him still."

You said you were ill today. You are growing weaker by the day. But I'm letting you go. Because now is the time that you must really, really see what is important to you. You must dig deep inside your heart and have really good reason to choose anything else over God and I. This is our crossroad and I cannot force you to come with me. But I'm going on a journey for greater things. I'm looking up and relying on God for my joy, as His love never fails. I'd be so happy to have you along, but it is entirely up to you. Because on this journey there will be no shame and lying will not come easily because the truth will be so much better. On this journey you will experience joy you've never had before, and you'll learn how beautiful love is.

If you can pray to God and ask for forgiveness, you are strong. If you can be honest and feel content about your decisions, you are truly pleasing God. If you cannot, you are missing out and He has an invitation waiting just for you.

I cannot explain how utterly loved you are by what I have seen and heard throughout this battle. But even as I became broken, God allowed me to still shine to this day. He will take care of you. Just lay down your burdens, admit you have sinned, and let Him take you away in His arms to a better future. You have hurt me enough to have reason to go to God. He desires to dance with you. What reason should you be afraid? If you are in the right, there is no reason to fear. But even if we are wrong in things, God lovingly forgives and forgets like it never happened. And He wants us to move on from our past too.

Give Him a chance. He's already given you about eight years of chances. ;)