I Cry Standing For You.

I couldn't seem to help it. It just happened. I stood in one spot, feeling weak, staring at the picture of you and I. Tears flowed down my face and my lips were quivering, but I just stood there. It's as if I'm having the hardest time waiting this out. My entire body is now aching deeply to be next to you. As we grow closer, it grows stronger. I've been fighting with this for over two years, but now more than ever I want to fight harder. Yet I've used up all my strength for you. I rely solely upon God now, and God alone. To see you happy means so much to me, but to not know why, or if I'm a reason, confuses my mind. I try to push these thoughts away each time, as to not create past fear. But you haven't told me anything.

At this point, you're the only human being I feel content to ask God for. Everything that happens with us has become no surprise to me. It's as if it's all perfectly planned out. And I expect it now. Somehow we're joined together with a connection we couldn't have made on our own. I want to wait for you, and I'm crying while doing it. You're beyond special to me now, you know. But I don't know how to say it to you anymore.

When you hugged me, my immediate thought was that I didn't want to let go. Yet I let go sooner than I would have because I was afraid you'd feel my heart fail to beat. But as I did hold on for those few seconds, I felt complete. I was united with my godsend, connected perfectly. Am I only dreaming that you notice now? Am I daydreaming my way to feeling okay? In my mind, we have the perfect relationship. But in reality, we have a beautiful, confusing friendship. I ask God while on my knees to take care of you. Every time I pray, I ask Him to give you peace when you're breaking. I cry because when I can't say "I love you," I ask Him to do it for me.

When this battle finishes, I hope I find myself in your arms again...