Without You, Who Am I?

I felt so different, so awkward, and not myself. The feelings began hitting my mind as time passed. It felt almost wrong in a way, as if something was not the way it should be. A giant part of me was missing.

It was not you.

I was not laughing with you, driving in town with music playing loud. It was with someone else. The idea of that being so made me feel ugly inside. I began trying to imagine it with anyone else. This young man was not you, nor could any other man in the world place a happiness in my eyes the way you do. I've never been alone with a guy that wasn't you. Except family members, it has always been me and you. Not me and him. Not me and a stranger. I felt so off without you. Because of it, I realized why my mood was so hard to control. I wasn't myself. I was experiencing what life would be like if you weren't the only being I ever sat alone with.

It was awkward. Not offense to him, he's kind and a friend of you and I. But it felt so much like I was betraying you. In no way was I doing so, but it felt like it. With you it's as if my heart beats perfectly. My mind is not somewhere else, it's just with you. With you I am complete, and no other face comes to mind. I never feel like I'm betraying anyone. I never feel I'm wasting any sort of time. I can't even worry around you. You are the only one who feels completely right. You're worth the pain of waiting for, and no other man should have to deal with me. Because with me will always come you, buried inside my heart.

Would I have known this had I not experienced it today? No. But now that I have, I don't even want to try again. I missed you greatly so, and I miss you more even now. I'll never be the best company without the contentment that you're happily in my life. I disliked how empty I felt. It hit me so incredibly hard that I wanted it to end. I couldn't feel okay that I wanted to escape. It had nothing to do with him, just myself. Today I fully knew that nothing works like you.

No one.