Anger.

Anger was always rare with me. You know this, I knew this, many others knew this. My patience allowed me to endure a lot further than one would think. I was known for it, really. But I can tell that I now have placed a little block of anger that I daily have been praying away.

I always suspected you held back another life. In fact, you seemed to make up an entire new person just for me, and only me. A person who was, apparently...false. I had no idea, I still don't. You continuously repeat that you feel guilty for doing nothing wrong. I question that, as guilt comes from what is wrong according to our own minds. It's a form of conviction, which is a good thing in a way. As it can lead to making the right decisions and realizing we were about to destroy ourselves.

I get nervous, almost afraid to speak with you. I fear that you'll forget that I've loved you for this long and that you'll ignore everything I sadly attempt to say. But all I really can do is pray. As that has put a smile on my face during this awful time for us. Had I been without God, I'm almost convinced this would have put suicide thoughts in my mind, because I was that attached. But I have hope that there is a bright future for me (and you of course).

The very thing you held from me, the lie you fed and kept going, was something you knew would shatter my heart. You knew this so you did it anyway and figured you'd just hide it from me. How ever could you believe it made it better to hide it? Here I was simply trying to show you how much God loves you by applying the action myself, and you were only hiding yourself from me. I was convinced you couldn't do that because you cared for me. I didn't plan to hold you back from living your own life, but you still LIED about it... :(

I believed you when you'd say things. You began to become vague, but what's sad is I believed most of it. You openly with no hesitation lied. And one thought has recently come to mind. This is what you did to your mom. I know you lied for you and I once upon a time, but did you know I was sitting by my window late at night, looking up at the stars, praying God would soften your mother's heart toward you AND me so that she'll see I just want to love you? Did you know that I was praying and fasting for an answer to that prayer, that God would help your relationship with her? I hated the fact that you'd lie to her, and I only wanted you to be able to tell the truth and her be okay.

I've been fighting a long and intense battle for you. Did you even know that?
And here you are, about to throw it all away, including me. :'(
But I'll still love you.