HAPPINESS.

God has granted me the peace that can only come after a well fought battle. If the past four years of my life did not occur, I could not feel this way today. The comparison of now and then is incredible. I cannot remember the last time I felt this happy and content with God. Despite where I stand, where I live, and whether a million things are happening for me in my life or not, I have the happiness that only God could give.

Last night I spent time with God, reading His word, and then in prayer. I smiled, I cried, I laughed, and laid down finally, smiling. I began to see all the gifts I've received in my life as gifts from God. I began to thank Him for everything that I have, naming off as much as I can. As I closed my eyes, it was as if God was whispering into my ear "I love you." I did not feel alone as I rested my head on my pillow. I kept smiling like I was just proposed to and literally felt that peace of happiness inside of me.

This was much needed for me. This was done so quickly, like a miracle. I walked away from my past when God finally saw it time. I learned the most beautiful lesson I could have ever asked for! And that is unconditional love! To walk away after giving so much of my love, constantly, even when I was hurt deeply, and to walk away empty handed was the best feeling I could have never imagined beforehand. When you give without expecting, you prove it by having nothing.

In return though, God gave me exactly what I needed. He has loved me all along. He has kept me strong. He has kept me alive. He has been with me all this time, through thick and thin. He held me in His arms all those nights I would just cry my heart out. And here I am, at the top of the mountain, ready for exactly what He has next in my life.

When I could not sleep yet last night, I realized I did not set my alarm. So I searched in the dark for my cell phone and when I couldn't find it, I finally used my iPod's screen to light the area. Realizing I had a message I got distracted and somehow ended up electronically and virtually hanging out with an amazing new friend of mine. To me, it was genuine. To not have something in the back of my mind killing me softly while I smiled. To not feel like I'm 90% but to feel 100% and fully happy. They may have been an ocean away, but I could be just the way I am anyway. :)

This happiness was worth the wait.