I have no one to blame but myself. I guess you could only stand on top of the mountain for so long before the next step you take leads you straight down. And although I fear to face sadness again, I'm sure it'll come for whatever reasons it needs to. This time the reasons have changed. This time I'm not even sure what the reasons completely are. I did not rewind, I don't feel I have. But why is it so hard for me to remain satisfied?
It attacks me all too often, this want, this need, this wonder. I'm horrible at lying, and God would never believe me if I tried. He knows my heart all too well, and I simply pray He guides me the right way. The door has shut for yet another to open, and I truly do desire to enter the correct door.
Was this just a tease? Just something to come along and tease me when I did not even try nor ask for it? Not to mention the undesired interactions from people I'm trying quite hard not to hurt. But give me one decent friend and suddenly I'm facing my fear and it's hurting me. I was doing so well, I was so sky high, how could I suddenly feel this way? Send me back to that happiness, send me back to the hope and laughter I just had two days ago! Please, God. Give me another chance... :(
I will remain in high hopes that through my colloquy of heart to confession, you will come to thoroughly penetrate the very entity of my enduring fidelity.
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