Come Back...

Come back to me...


I just cannot accept letting anyone go.

I can't accept anyone leaving me.

I cannot accept someone fading from my life...

I just want them to come back.

I want to go back in time and re-live the happy moments.

I don't care if I get stuck there.

I wanna be happy and smile knowing they're there.

We don't have to let things change like they are.

We can always go back to what we used to do.

And yet you're gone.

...and all I can do is pray you come back.

I'm losing count now.

I don't know how many are leaving now.

And yet they're not even far away.

I can't stop thinking about what "used" to be.


I miss my 17th birthday party. It was almost the most amazing birthday I've ever had. I had just the right amount of friends who attended. We went on my roof by climbing our should-probably-be-thrown-away wobbly ladder. I don't think I could have done it without the friend who came all the way from LA just to go to my party and visit for the first time. She's crazy. She suggested the roof, I believe, and helped all of us get up.

The ladder climb is an unforgettable moment! We also walked to the park at night, that was fun too.

But it seems so far away now.. the green and blue balloons, my new scarves, people in the house, talking, dancing, singing, laughing...

I felt like at that time I had all the people I needed to not feel like I do.. now.

I had no sadness that someone was gone.


I guess I can't handle the truth... that's gone now.

I have to move on.
I have be strong.
I have to accept it?

All of this can be the simple result of my curiosity: when is it MY turn to be "special" to someone.

Because I've always only been... just Stephanie.

People come and go in my life. Some stay, some leave, some come only rarely.

I may not ask to be anything more than a friend. I just.. wonder who will be worth it.. I just wonder who will think I'M worth it.



What am I saying?

I don't think I'm in the right mood to explain anything.

I might write things I shouldn't....

Unless I already have.



I'm tired of being misunderstood. I'm tired of getting confused. I'm tired of being just "Stephanie."

Who will ever want "just Stephanie"?

Point out my flaws because I don't know what I'm doing wrong to make me less than something.

Point out my flaws so I can change them.

And maybe I'll be something someday.

To another person on this earth that I find worth waiting for.

It's okay.. I can wait. I've done it this long, haven't I?


He's not at my college.
Sadly, I don't know who "he" is. I don't know where. I don't know when. I don't even know WHY.

Am I making sense?

Because I did it again.

I talked in code.


And that's my problem.


I just want to be honest with someone. But yet I can't spill out my full feelings.

(That'll push someone away, most likely).

I just want to be.. worth it.

All I can see is... Stephanie. The only crowned one in my life.
Myself.


I want them to come back..

Call me.. ='.[
...just do it...I'll be waiting.


Sincerely,
Stephanie Ann

P.S.
A call with your voice is twice as better than just a message written in text.