Hungry Eyes.

He stared at me with his hungry eyes and it disgusted me. I felt so misplaced, so uncomfortable. He acted like he was in the right and flashed a smile that pleased me not. I knew what was on his mind and I wish he removed it. He tried to say every right word as well as finding every single thing he can to have in common with me. His effort was pointless, but he kept at it. He acted like he knew exactly what would happen, but yet he knew nothing at all. I had no intention to give in or enjoy what displeased me. I only longed to be somewhere else where I would be a someone instead of a something.

I never dreamed of this before, nor did I desire it in any way. This was something I avoided. I was ashamed for every single starving pair of eyes that ever crossed my path. I knew there was more than this in a sea of fish. I'll patiently dismiss all who only see my face. I crave deep and hard for the one who is capable of traveling into my heart to discover what's genuine. There will be no need to try so very hard, for he will not have to try at all. He will paint smiles on my face quite easily and place laughter upon us. He will scream in a room of silence by doing nothing at all. I will see him walk in and I will know exactly what I had been hoping for. He will be the image that I tried making out years ago--clear and crisp.

And I will love him.

What is, is Could Be.

Sometimes I do wish that I could explain with the most perfect words you've ever heard before. I'd tell you how entirely wonderful it feels to have you seated directly across from me. You see, you're someone else to the world. Someone unknown and so hidden in an open way. They know not what you're capable of designing and painting. The art of your smile deserves the attention, but worry not, I'll pay it all of mine. You've a way of directing the music I'm able to produce. Through melody we have communication going on here and an intense amount of joy on my part. Your eyes have this way of taking the dance floor while mine join along. They desire deeply to begin such a dance and I cannot blink them to stop. 


I know in your heart there's a simple beat for me. Somewhere tucked nicely beneath the surface it's making motion. But your complicated mind will not give up on pulling you away. And in your pull, you're pushing me as I forgive you for each bruise. You cannot fake that sparkle I see, nor the pulse in your laughter. I'm too afraid to just pass this up, in fear that one day you'll understand and you'll lose me. As a selfless act, I'm sticking around until the end of this. I'll overcome my insecurities as you become true, honest, and sincere. Please do so serve me a favor and make my unconditional love a promise.


You assumed I imagined a future with us. Of course, your assumption was correct. Simply because I could not dare imagine a future without you. My imagination becomes mirthful with the thought of you. I shall not force anything upon you, I just want you to understand. I've the faith to move an entire mountain, but I'm still climbing one at the moment. Do not take offense that I have much  hope. We're capable of the impossible and the existence of specialty. 


Give me a chance to prove to you that I can indeed love you for the rest of my entire life. Just let me love you.

Night's Bride.

It was incredibly bright last night. I was unaware that it was staring at me until I crawled over and lifted the blinds. Upon opening the window, the cool breeze swept me away into a mind daze, where every thought danced their ways around me. I remembered those simple words that were whispered to me quite a long while back. As I gazed long and hard at what shined down on me, I allowed the tiny tears to break through. I'm so very small compared to the colossal world around me. There is so much more than what I can see.

Its light was the very reflection of the sun. For in the night, when all went dark, there was still a light provided for us to see. It caused me to believe we as people could reflect such light to those who got lost in the dark. And all I wanted to be was just like the beautiful diamond in the sky.

One particular soul lives comfortably in the home of my heart, and I want to prove to have built the best place to dwell in. I never want to cease to love, nor do I want to breathe a lie. Where he abides, I shall tend to. I may not have dreamed this years ago, but I find myself greatly thankful. I know this requires the most selfless attitude to persist, but I will swim an entire ocean to do so. I give all my strength to be used for this and all my patience as well. I want to be used until I've done my absolute best. And then some.

The brightness was beautiful to linger on. It was night's bride, so pure and promising. My eyes could dance for hours looking up at the innocence of its existence. It consists of the very light that finds us at dawn. I know of only one thing that proves to be more beautiful: what I chose to shine for.

I Stand Back Up For You.

Do you know what I thought of the moment my hands hit the ground? Do you know what I saw when I ever so harshly closed my eyes? My heart pounded much faster than its comfort zone. Perhaps you forgot how fast I got back up on my feet. Maybe you didn't notice that I found my perfect solution to each cry. Or maybe you just looked away the moment I stood to my feet and continued on. Because you see, I've gone out of my way to straighten my priorities. You happen to sit nicely near the top and to push you away would spell selfish across my face.

The moment my hands hit the ground, I thought of you. What I saw when I closed my eyes was your indescribable smile. And I know you may not understand, and you may think that I am only hurting myself. But, my dear, I am not. For I am growing beyond what you can imagine and I'm loving you just the way you are. You became my true test. I only desired that I would ace this test because I do love you.

Unfortunately for me, I'm not quite sure you've chosen to love me for me. And although I want to believe it with my entire heart, I fear our situation was twisted in unintentional ways. I am who I am just as much as you are who you are. And I only wish you'd love me just the same as I love you. Somehow though, I will be silently scolded by you. You've whispered into my heart that I will not be receiving the respect you used to have. I chose to look beyond that, I chose to forgive you and forget it. And as it quietly haunts my mind, I still have enough faith to believe that you did not mean it.

Maybe you've pushed me outside of your heart because you were afraid of how close I got to it. Maybe you're so apprehensive to feel any type of guilt that you pretend none of this matters. But it does matter, you see. You do care. And at the small, tiny moment that you realized it, you ran to a hiding place. This is not what you want, yet it was happening to you. So you put me softly on the other side of your wall so that I cannot touch you. I went along with it and I stood smiling at you through the window just to keep a friendship with you. And from that distance, I was just glad to see you smile in return.

Darling, you do not need to pretend anymore. Please just promise me you will not throw away what we both secretly know we've created. Our roots are too deep, and I'm just not strong enough to dig them out. For I'm hardly strong enough to be strong in front of you. But when you look at me, my tears are much too afraid to meet you. But I sincerely do wish that if they ever escape my eyes, you will know then that I truly do love you. Just enough to fall a part for you.

I stand right back up to continue on so I can see you happy.
Again.

Dream He.

It's a battle to fall ever so gently in love with an imaginary creation. Exiting earth and into an almost perfect world, everything just changes. Attention received no payment from me in my world of reality. I was short of such cash, after all. My dreams were set in stone, and I somehow lived them. I found the most beautiful set of eyes because of this. I placed this wonderful soul on such high priority in my life--under God, of course. I knew it was my mere imagination, but I had high hopes he had a twin in reality.

I was determined to allow my love to burst all over him when I discovered who he really was. I intended to waste no time on the unworthy. But day by day I was craving too harshly and I had to let this go. I did not want to get stuck inside a dream and miss out on what just might be staring me in the face. So therefore, I stepped out for awhile. The world was horrible. I forgot how much I disliked being in it. But I continued on. Often I'd glance back at my dream, sigh, and continue on.

Somewhere along the line of living in reality, I gave up my dream to settle for something different. And as I did so, I lost my sense of knowing what was really inside the depths of my heart. I went back and I changed my imaginary creation. I compromised, yet scratched up my long-lost fantasy. I found myself on the ground, crying in utter pain. I still loved what I imagined was him and I could not be satisfied with what was less than he. I had not found him and I would not stop looking.

Back at where I started, I got lost in reverie. But this time I controlled it. I would be satisfied without so he can come along unknowingly. My dream would have no ability to hide from me, and it would exist in a perfect way. A way I would never have been able to write. A way I would never have been able to guess. A story I could not think of. But a story I would grow to understand.

He could not hide from me because I knew of just one thing. There is no hiding place behind a smile.

Vacuous.

I don't spend much time thinking about it. I've already come to the rightful conclusion that this is so much more. For if I spread a thought about it in my mind, it'll only burn me. But I have indeed considered the thought. So then I pretend that it shan't ever exist and dream the impossible instead. Yet somehow it'll find a way to slowly crawl its way somewhere deep inside my mind and try the technique of pulling me down, under, deep, suffocating my inevitable dreams. And in that very split second of a moment I fight it away and let my tears pour it out of me.

I'll consider those words; those small, little words that were placed gently in front of me. I'll pretend to put them into action and then I'll pretend they made a difference. I have in fact tried them. They were voided in just enough time, so I tried something else and just accepted my inner notion. Along the line came little signs of agreement to my portent. But with a slight turn back to that small little thought of those small little words in our small little world...I took it into consideration once again.

Unfortunately it has come back to me as vacuous.

Dear God.

Dear God,

You've brought someone very special into my life. It has caused me to take on the challenge to give to him an unconditional type of love. Although I often feel weak and am always relying on Your strength and Your strength alone lately. I still thank You tremendously for getting me through this one day at a time. I know You'll make a way in this storm so that I make it through completely. I've learned the important things in life, especially the small ones we tend to forget about. I look at each day as a new start to become better.

I pray with all the faith I have that You protect him in this world. That you bless him for his works and the blessing he has been in my life. Watch over him in the hard times and show him how great and amazing You really are. Don't let him become defeated, but give him strength. Please remind him daily how much You love him. If it be through me, I'll gladly do as You ask. Break my heart for what breaks Yours and let me shine.

Yours Truly,
Stephanie Ann

I Composed.

They danced upon the keys so sweetly as if I had no control. My one-track mind soared alongside the melody playing deeply into my soul. Laying peacefully amongst my thoughts there were two sets of hands and a grand piano. A form of happiness found itself way to my fingers, and only moments later I was finishing off the song with contentment. I felt utterly proud of what I created to be and one immediate thought flew its way to my mind.

You would be proud of it.