If I could write you a song...

If I could write you a song, I would. I would put just the right words into it and I would mean every single one of them!

The only problem is that I don't think I could find the right words now. I also don't even know who you are yet. I can't exactly sing well. And I'm not that good at composing songs. I'd probably make a very boring one.

But maybe you wouldn't care!

Maybe the song would at least make just about as much sense as this blog does!

Or maybe not.

But hey, maybe more talent will hit me by the time I see you. :)

♥♥Stephanie Ann

p.s.
At least someone might think I'm pretty. ^^

FrIeNdS.

Oh em gee!

I decided that my friends totally rock.

Hah. And I speak of like three...or four...or two...or five.
=D

I dunno. I just thought about it. Today on my way home, I was being crazy in the car.

They're true friends if you can just be crazy with them! ^___^
[That means they don't get annoyed.]


We are like sooooo totally weird.

But at least we're cool!

AND at least I am doing better, right? :)



I do not like when things make me sad. Because when I'm having these happy days, I realize that this is what matters. This is what makes life pretty much worth living.
WHY on earth should we even BOTHER to do things that could create problems?

If we just put it all aside and focus on what makes us happy...seriously. Life would be better!
[But with your luck, you'll ignore that point.]


♥Stephanie

P.S.
Mm....I wanna go to the forest now. :D Someone's BRIGHT idea. ;]

Miracle?

Ugh. Life is lame right now.

I just...want a miracle.

I hope it comes...soon. :)

♥♥
Stephanie

P.S.
It's okay to at least hope to get one! Hehe.

The Letter.

Dear You,

I don't think you understand. And that's okay. I'm willing to just sit here. To sit her accepting the fact that you do not understand me. I'm not explaining myself. I'm secretly sitting here with dreams and wishes, knowing that ultimately I'm going with what God wants.

I pray nightly for you. I'm perfectly fine with what's meant to happen. I know I cannot make you choose me. I will always forever be here willing to just smile. To never ask for anything more than what is meant.

I like being crazy. I like talking. I like being open. I like everything, pretty much. I could say I'm happy by ignoring anything that has ever stopped the happiness. I could say my life is just right right now and forget all about the past and look completely forward.

I don't even know what's ahead. I just know that right now I'm okay. I'm sure there are about a million things wrong here. Probably things unsaid and yet sometimes I'm so oblivious to it all. I'm shutting out some things just because I'm so desperate to feel okay with nothing to get me down. I'm so desperate to feel happy and think that nothing in the world could take this feeling away.

I'm not.

That's the thing.

I'm not shutting anything else out. I'm standing here waiting for something to come. Someone to come and take me away from you. Someone to distract me from any other thoughts I might have had. Someone to come into my life and steal me away from you; so that you may be left alone. I'm standing here waiting for anyone to become this great big wall in the way of going the other way. I'm wondering if that's even going to happen.

I'm willing to open my eyes up to a possible different future than the one it seems I have right now.

Daily my future changes. It looks like one thing today, and probably will look different tomorrow. Or does it?

Am I just dreaming of a life that'll never exist? Thinking today that I can be completely happy because I decided I knew what sounded good?

Am I even making sense? All this writing out random stuff just because I felt like whatever should come out, might as well come out. I could be making stuff up just because it sounds good.

I am doing good. Thanks for asking! I hope you are too. I just wrote you a letter. I don't know why. I guess I felt like telling you how much I somehow care for you. I didn't try. I wasn't looking for you. You just came along.

You appeared into my life out of nowhere and I almost pushed you out of it, but you came back.

I remember the nights that tears would fall down my cheeks because I thought about you. I used to sit in bed staring out my window because I was scared that you would leave. Because I felt like somehow we had this connection and that no one has ever understood me the way you have.

We have this little friendship I like to call true because things aren't pulling us apart, but rather they're keeping us together.

The friendship we have is what I hold on to dearly. I see it as a treasure, in which I thank God for because I am glad to know you. That's all I ask for.

That is why it is complicated. Do you see now? I'm okay with what is now.

I just don't understand what lies inside my heart.

And the dreams. Those keep coming. I don't know why.

Just...don't shut me out. I cannot be mad at you. I cannot hold grudges. I cannot be angry at things you do. It would actually break my heart.

But...your happiness means so much more to me than my own. My dreams mean nothing. Because yours are much more important. I want YOU to be happy. I want YOU to follow your heart.

If that means that we part ways, then so be it. But I only pray that what happens is God's will.

I am willing to follow Him. To receive His answer. And I promise you now that I will keep praying. I will keep praying for His Will to be done.

I only want you happy.

Love Truly,
Stephanie Ann
♥♥

P.S.
I know something is going to happen soon. :)

Patience.

Patience. It's one of the smallest, yet hardest things us humans have (or lack to have).

So many times we tell ourselves to be patient and wait. We come across situations that require us to be calm, and so many times we might just want to... YELL.

But yet good comes to those who wait; to those who practice patience. Letting out anger, or simply growing impatient over things only seems to cause trouble, if you ask me.

I know I must be patient.

I know waiting will get me far greater things than rushing through my life. I know that if I wait, I will be able to get something greater, something amazing, and something true.

Just take a breath or two. Open your eyes! Look around and be happy that you're alive. Realize that you are NOTHING without everything you already have.

Watch who you hang out with. If they're a bad (not positive) influence on you, spend less time with them. I'm not saying leave your friends. But realize how much of an influence they are on you, and how you feel you want to be. What type of person do you want to be?

Put yourself around someone you KNOW will be of great influence. And try YOUR best to be a good influence to THEM.

I want to shine. :) Sometimes...that's all I ask God at night.

My dream is just to be happy in life.

Love Always,
♥Stephanie Ann♥

P.S.
Just wait for that miracle. :)

Tomorrow.

What is tomorrow?

A day that never comes.

How can you possibly live for tomorrow?

You can't.

I think...we should learn from yesterday, live for today, and look forward to tomorrow.

If everything is in God's hands...(granted I put everything in His hands), then I have nothing to worry about.

He has amazing plans.

I kinda...want those amazing plans in my life.

So that simply means...I have to trust in Him.

C o m p l e t e l y .

Yours Truly,
Stephanie Ann

P.S.
SOON. :)

ERR!

ERRRRRRRR!!!

You know.

It's one of those screams you scream in a pillow, with the hint of anger, confusing, and impatience! Not even "ERR!" It's more like UGH mixed with ER.

Like you're DYING to just KNOW something, but you don't KNOW it and it's like UGHHHH!!!!!

WHY DON'T I KNOW!?!

And yet it's not a very seriously taken anger/frustration. It's just...OH EM GEE! You smile knowing you don't know something, but you're like BLEH.

Haha!


I don't even know what I'm talking about. I just feel like letting SOMETHING out that I decided I had in me. ;)

Like you're doing just fine, but you know there's SOMETHING in there you might as well scream about!

I'm fine, really. In fact, I'm happy.

I don't even know why.

Well, I know WHY. It's just...interesting. That despite the 'crap' I've been through and dealt with, I somehow found a peace and happiness. I just know...things will get better. And that God KNOWS what He's doing. YOU KNOW?!

Who am I even talking to? I assume myself. I feel like I write blogs just for myself. I know they're public and all, but what are the odds of someone reading this?

Unless it's the JUST right person reading it at the perfect time. Like God knew who'd come to this blog and read it. What time they'd be reading it?? That's beyond my knowledge!


And look at what I've left them to read! Haha.

At least I'm doing good. =]

I mean, I gotta be thankful for what I have. All my blessings and such. Like a home. A bed. A shower. Food. School. Stuff. Friends. A phone. (YES. THANK GOODNESS FOR A PHONE.)

I el-oh-vee-ee my friends the most (this includes family members of course!). Basically what I'm saying is I'm most thankful for the PEOPLE God put in my life. And He knew exactly who I'd need to make me into who I am today! And He also knows exactly who I need for each little thing I go through. And exactly who He wanted in my life.

I'm still finding out about some. Maybe. Who knows! But I am thankful!

So...I guess I shouldn't be screaming in my pillow! EVERYTHING. Will. FALL. Into. PLACE.

Soon enough. ^___^

I'm pretty sure.

Sincerely,
Stephanie Ann

P.S.
A life without love, that's terrible! Love is like OXYGEN. Love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love! (Haha, movie quotes.)