The Letter.

Dear You,

I don't think you understand. And that's okay. I'm willing to just sit here. To sit her accepting the fact that you do not understand me. I'm not explaining myself. I'm secretly sitting here with dreams and wishes, knowing that ultimately I'm going with what God wants.

I pray nightly for you. I'm perfectly fine with what's meant to happen. I know I cannot make you choose me. I will always forever be here willing to just smile. To never ask for anything more than what is meant.

I like being crazy. I like talking. I like being open. I like everything, pretty much. I could say I'm happy by ignoring anything that has ever stopped the happiness. I could say my life is just right right now and forget all about the past and look completely forward.

I don't even know what's ahead. I just know that right now I'm okay. I'm sure there are about a million things wrong here. Probably things unsaid and yet sometimes I'm so oblivious to it all. I'm shutting out some things just because I'm so desperate to feel okay with nothing to get me down. I'm so desperate to feel happy and think that nothing in the world could take this feeling away.

I'm not.

That's the thing.

I'm not shutting anything else out. I'm standing here waiting for something to come. Someone to come and take me away from you. Someone to distract me from any other thoughts I might have had. Someone to come into my life and steal me away from you; so that you may be left alone. I'm standing here waiting for anyone to become this great big wall in the way of going the other way. I'm wondering if that's even going to happen.

I'm willing to open my eyes up to a possible different future than the one it seems I have right now.

Daily my future changes. It looks like one thing today, and probably will look different tomorrow. Or does it?

Am I just dreaming of a life that'll never exist? Thinking today that I can be completely happy because I decided I knew what sounded good?

Am I even making sense? All this writing out random stuff just because I felt like whatever should come out, might as well come out. I could be making stuff up just because it sounds good.

I am doing good. Thanks for asking! I hope you are too. I just wrote you a letter. I don't know why. I guess I felt like telling you how much I somehow care for you. I didn't try. I wasn't looking for you. You just came along.

You appeared into my life out of nowhere and I almost pushed you out of it, but you came back.

I remember the nights that tears would fall down my cheeks because I thought about you. I used to sit in bed staring out my window because I was scared that you would leave. Because I felt like somehow we had this connection and that no one has ever understood me the way you have.

We have this little friendship I like to call true because things aren't pulling us apart, but rather they're keeping us together.

The friendship we have is what I hold on to dearly. I see it as a treasure, in which I thank God for because I am glad to know you. That's all I ask for.

That is why it is complicated. Do you see now? I'm okay with what is now.

I just don't understand what lies inside my heart.

And the dreams. Those keep coming. I don't know why.

Just...don't shut me out. I cannot be mad at you. I cannot hold grudges. I cannot be angry at things you do. It would actually break my heart.

But...your happiness means so much more to me than my own. My dreams mean nothing. Because yours are much more important. I want YOU to be happy. I want YOU to follow your heart.

If that means that we part ways, then so be it. But I only pray that what happens is God's will.

I am willing to follow Him. To receive His answer. And I promise you now that I will keep praying. I will keep praying for His Will to be done.

I only want you happy.

Love Truly,
Stephanie Ann
♥♥

P.S.
I know something is going to happen soon. :)