Cold Metaphoric Winters.

I remember when you gave me your sweater as part of my Christmas gift. You had to have known that deep down inside it would make me happy. Because it was the simplest thing with such a deep meaning. Once upon a time that sweater had warmed you on chilly days, and later on it warmed me during cold metaphoric winters. But every time I wore it, I felt I had a piece of you. No one else in the world owned such a threaded article previously owned by you, feeling right at home but me. If I ponder long and hard, I still cannot figure out what part of your heart told you to pass it to me.

Through the cheery days I spent with you and the fragile nights I resisted your gravity, I was never left cold. If I do ever fall, I always stand up. And when I do I look straight ahead and smile. If I ever glance back I only see how far I've come. To love you was the step I took to stand against doubt and all hopelessness. And sometimes it's all because I, Stephanie Ann, managed to somehow plant myself inside your home of a heart when you never intended to let me in. I was the one who occupied your empty sweater, placing myself exactly where you once were for those cold, metaphoric winters that I spent thinking solely about you.

I couldn't have said this if you easily loved me back years ago.

Thank you for keeping me warm and teaching me how to love anyway.

Meant.

When our paths crossed, we started a journey we had no idea we were to travel in. It contained the highest of highs and lowest of lows. There were moments when I was so scared of you, and moments when you were the only person I could talk to. But throughout the entire friendship, I always knew that somehow you were special. You were someone made to be in my life and I was going to know you longer than I could have guessed upon our meeting. I believed this even more as I grew to admire this about you. And soon enough, you were placed preciously inside my heart to stay.

When I first met you, our personalities were in for a surprise! But as weeks went by, I began to truly appreciate you. And one day I made the best choice I could--to treat you with kindness. After that I grew to care for you. And four and a half years later, after our roller-coaster ride of a friendship, I still get nervous to see you. You're still like that celebrity to me, and I'm in awe of knowing you. Everything changes with you around. And if you leave the room, I am practically lost.

What is it about you? It's always as if there's this giant arrow pointing down at you. In a huge crowd, you could be all I see. And very often I believe that God himself is pointing you out to me. So can't you see? I'm not walking away from someone so purposely placed in my life. You always came back before. I'm convinced you're not meant to be out of my life.

Dear You.

Dear You,

I think it's about time I write you again, as I don't know how to talk to you. This is just one of those electronically written letters that you'd have to miraculously stumble upon while randomly desiring to find my blog yet again. You knew the link before, and I can't say you've booked-marked it, memorized it, or stalked your way to it, as I wouldn't quite believe that. But you've surprised me, so either way I shall write as if you may never read it. Or that you are. The point being that I need to get this out.

In all honesty, you do confuse me in such a scary way. You've caused me to be paranoid about things that I'm afraid to know. I think that if I happily respond to perhaps a text message or something of the sort you will think that I am pretending as if nothing happened. But if I address the situation and/or circumstance it will ruin everything yet again. That is unfortunately the one thing I cannot bear to commit. But in no way do I desire to ignore you or pretend you don't exist. I'm simply just struggling to understand what is to happen between you and I. Because you remain secured tight inside my heart and I still deeply care for your entire being.

[[3 days later]]

I'm really hoping for the very best for you and I.

Sincerely,
Me

Assumptions.

If I could end one thing, it would be the ability to assume. It always tends to get me screaming down after a high peak of waiting, as if I'm on some type of roller-coaster ride. All is fine, something happens, I assume why, believe my assumptions can be wrong, find out they are usually, and get back up, smile, and all is fine. As you can see, that's where it loops. But that's okay.

Everything is okay.

In fact, it's okay to accept you were wrong. It's okay because it makes everything somehow better. I don't really assume enough to believe. I always feel like I'm still waiting to know the truth and understand in everything I'm left hanging with. I make assumptions somehow, maybe I'm human, I'm not sure. But in the back of my mind, I'm waiting to understand what is, and not what I think is. To me, there's always a possibility of something better--a greater reason than a negative assumption. To me, there's hope in everything, giving me no reason to doubt and hurt myself.

Everything is okay.

We don't get on a roller-coaster at a theme park to punish ourselves. They're made for entertainment, for fun, and for excitement. Besides the fact that some don't like them (like me!). But either way, they're there for fun, they're made for fun. So even if you're on a roller-coaster ride metaphorically speaking, just remember the reason roller-coasters were made! Just to mess with your insides, I suppose, and make you sick. But still. That's besides the point!

Because the point is: everything is okay.

:)