The Worst Feeling.

The worst feeling anyone could ever go through is the pain from someone else's pain...because of you.

I don't want to hurt him anymore, but it seems no matter what.. I will...

Because of that, it is causing me pain...

Then comes the tears...

=[

I want to see him and make everything okay.. and yet I can't...

Somewhat Unexplainable.

Dearest the-person-currently-on-my-mind,

This was greatly inspired by you:

DEAR GOD. TWO WORDS.

Dear God,

Two words.

Love Your Daughter,
Stephanie Ann

P.S.
THANK YOU!

To the Hurting..

You don't have to go through this. You don't have to feel this way. You don't have to ignore the "help" anymore. You don't have to  push God away because His ways don't match your desires. He knows your future and He knows what's better for you. That is why He wants to teach you His ways.

What you feel doesn't have to be permanent. What you're going through doesn't have to be your life--your future. It can go away. It will go away. But that's all up to you.

The pain in your heart, in your life, in your emotions--it's just temporary. But how long do you want it to last?

You're hungry for more. There's a hole in your heart that God put, and it's natural to us to try and fill that hole. But what do we fill it with? Temporary feelings? Things we're addicted to? People? Wordly desires?

I want to tell you that God put that hole for a reason. We're in constant search, looking for things to make us happy, searching for what makes us complete. But we'll be searching for a long time until we find something to fulfill it completely and forever.

God is eternal. He put that hole in our hearts to be filled with Him, and only He could fill it with true love. His love isn't temporary. It's a love that's eternal. A forever kind of thing. 

We don't deserve His grace, we fail often, we sin, we rebell. But when we admit we're a sinner, because of His unconditional love, He saves us--no matter what--even if we don't deserve it. But it's us who need to admit we're wrong and give everything to Him.

Brothers and sisters, humble yourselves before the LORD and He will give you LIFE. Surrender your dreams, and He will give you exactly what you need. He knows your heart, He knows your desires, and He teaches us things for the better, because He KNOWS our future.

Don't ignore His calling. Don't ignore His people. When He's trying to tell you something, don't turn against Him, don't rebell, don't harden your heart. If you do that, eventually He'll let you do the sin to see the punishment, and the further away you are from Him, the more He can't hear your prayers. He'll always be waiting, but will you be willing to run back to Him?

Let Him love you. Let Him help you. Let Him SAVE you.

May the right person read this--the one He knew needed it.

He's calling you.

Much Love,

Stephanie Ann

p.s.

If He won't turn anyone down, then neither will I. :)

Don't know what to do and think God doesn't hear you?

Ask someone you know that follows Him and they will surely pray for you (that includes me). He will hear you when you truly seek Him.

1 John 5:14
Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.

Beginning of the Ending.

Kinda like "Ending is Beginning", the title to Downhere's latest cd album, only not. ;P

I'm speaking of the beginning of the ending of this season. I feel like it's starting to end.

God has the power. Through Him, all things are possible, and He does not lose. I cannot thank Him enough for leading me to feel this way, and guiding me through all of this. I feel so happy.

Not only that, but I'm slowly realizing things. Even after knowing OTHER things, I'm realizing good things. Even after finding out about bad  things, I'm feeling great things. This is just WOW for me to be saying this for days now! Usually it's more rollercoaster-y, but this time I keep saying there are good things happening! AMEN TO THAT. :)

But I'll have to admit. It makes it harder. But at the same time easier.. Does that make sense? God must be doing some pretty crazy things in my heart. Good things, though, don't get me wrong.

It is now, more than ever, somewhat unexplainable. But I like it like that. ;]

God, You truly have blessed me beyond measure... Why? I'm not really sure. But I love You.

Yes.. I love you.

♥♥ Always,

Stephanie Ann

P.S.

What if the answer is staring you in the face?

Then I hope it keeps staring until I figure it out! ;P

It's the Ingredients, but Not Dinner Yet. =D

What exactly does the title mean?

I shall explain!

My excitement...it has its reasons. A sort of happiness randomly goin' on here. It's an interesting feeling, and mentioning it so much makes me realize that there MUST be something causing it. ☺

Not only that, but we're in March now! I do remember great things happening in March the past two years for me. Although, perhaps its not about March. I'm hoping for good things at the moment anyway. Everyone wishes that, right?

I began dealing with really random feelings and thoughts, and that lead to a lot of nights of crying. Sometimes it was cries from fear, sometimes cries from hurt. I was desperately seeking God for guidance and joy. I had stuff going on in my "heart" and I was really beginning to get confused because I was scared that it would go away and I'd regret it (that sorta thing).

But He really did help me through that. I still had those nights of tears, but then it got better. I told myself I'd let go completely. And I was able to do it! I felt relieved, and different, and I experienced this really strong joy of happiness. It lasted a week, and then after that it was two weeks of still feeling great because I still had hope inside of me. 

Eventually though it died to the point of me thinking, "...Maybe I didn't let go completely?" The feelings and thoughts about what I did let go started coming back. Then I prayed again for that faith and guidance, and I felt better.

What exactly gave me hope, anyway? It seemed a certain thing did, but I can see now it was something totally different. I saw a person one day who I began to think about often. I wondered who he was, the possibility of meeting, and I started making this big deal over it in my head. Everything I'd hear, I felt like it was something from God. But then I found out that the person I saw was completely NOT what I thought. As silly as it sounds, I was told he was younger than me. [I guess some people have the tendency to look older.]

Then I was like.. but it wasn't even about wanting to meet him or anything anymore. I got hope because he symbolized something. THAT is when it all made sense to me. Now I don't even think about him or anything (with the exception of me mentioning him right now). It DID give me hope.

It told me I did let go completely of what I held onto, to get God's answer.

That's really hard to read into though, and so I won't. Because I continously said before that, "Let go, if they're meant to be in your life, they'll come back. If they're not meant, they won't." Interesting enough, this particular person I did let go of did not leave, and I found myself back at where I began, ONLY THIS TIME IT WAS STRONGER. =]

It's a love I speak of. Growing to admire someone for who they've become in your life, and hoping they'd stay long and not leave. Enjoying time spent with them because you feel happy. Putting aside any type of "argument" or anything that hurt before because what's more important is WHY you're friends in the first place.

This is going to turn into a completely long entry because I totally just forgot about the title, which was what I was going to talk about! Now that I've somewhat explained...this is what I've been meaning to get to...

It's the ingredients right now that I'm looking at. It's not dinner yet, and it has yet to cook.

The idea came to me today before I left my house. I really feel like God is preparing something great. But nothing exactly is happening. It's like getting the ingredients ready. You're not eating anything, you're not setting the table already, but it's being prepared. So I feel as though God is getting a meal prepared and will soon be cooking it before I can eat this dinner He's making.

And that is where the excitement comes from. I FEEL (SMELL) the good (food) being prepared! It's like almost an "anxious" feeling that a child gets waiting to open his or her presents on Christmas. They want to see what's inside so bad, but they have to wait until their mom and dad says they can open it.

I'm waiting for my Father to let me open the present, in other words! And I'm EXCITED to see what's inside. ☼ 

The "feelings" aren't something I go by. It's the love I feel to give that matters now. It's a good feeling to know its there, and I'm not really sure I want it to go away anymore. I kind of hope...it stays.

To God be the glory.

Forever and ever.

♥ Always,

Stephanie Ann

He's SO Perfect!

It's like one of those movies where everything starts falling into place somehow. Well, perhaps not hardcore falling into place, like action-wise, but I shall further explain!

This HAS to be God doing this, because everything just seems too...perfect! Not my life, but how I'm making it through. It's like God knows EXACTLY what I need to strengthen me. I mean...well, HE DOES know. And He's doing it!

I feel encouraged by Him through the smallest things. During prayer, I feel good. I have the faith needed, and I pray to continuously have it. I feel like this is just one of those trials that is going to give me strength, and I'm actually happy for it. Maybe not happy for WHAT it is, but happy I have one. Because through it all, I gain patience!

² My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.    James 1:2-8

One night during prayer, I was lead to read 2 Chronicles 20, where the Lord says to the Jehoshaphat that it is HIS battle. We do our part by going out there, but trusting that God will win this battle. It is His battle, not mine. For a while after that night, I kept reminding myself of what I felt God telling me. I thought about it and it helped me to be strong and believe that God is working in my life.

Today at church, I heard those same words. God once again told me "This is My battle." I need not to worry! I'm just so overwhelmed with how things have been happening, and such things have been encouraging me to be strong in the LORD and to NEVER GIVE UP.

When something is in my heart, I commit to it. I will try my best to keep on loving no matter what. Maybe soon enough, the right person will see it. Maybe soon enough, that just right person will realize how much I truly DO care.

Paul didn't speak to the people for destruction, but for EDIFICATION. 

2 Corinthians 13:10

Therefore I write these things being absent, lest being present I should use sharpness, according to the authority which the Lord has given me for edification and not for destruction.

2 Corinthians 12:19

Again, do you think that we excuse ourselves to you? We speak before God in Christ. But we do all things, beloved, for your edification.

 God gave us His word so we have something to lean on, to help us, to give us POWER against the enemy who wants to attack us and feed us lies! But with Jesus at our side, the devil has NO power over us. And it's really important to see that it is because of God's LOVE for His people. ♥

God is preparing my heart. At one point, I had no idea. I thought this particular thing was over and I was going to move on. But it came back. All the love, the thoughts, and the feelings--it all came back and "took over my heart" once again. Instead of thinking it'll go away, or wanting to run from it, I will now continuously PRAY about it. I will now make my love even STRONGER. I should NOT back down. I should stay strong and keep the faith. For with God, all things are possible. 

I fully trust in Him with my loved ones. Because I know He loves them even MORE than I.

James 2:22
Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect?

I'm not just going to sit back and expect God to do everything. I'm not even that worthy anyway! But I will show Him I have faith by my works. I will give God all the glory in all that I do. This, I believe, is the true works of a follower of Christ. As much as I might stumble or fall, I know my Father will always be there to pick me up.

May He open the doors that need to be opened, and close the doors that need to be shut.

He's an amazing God. All it takes is admitting we're wrong and that we're humans, imperfect and such, and repenting of our sins, and then asking Him into our hearts to make us new. It is then and only then will we ever discover true happiness. 

Give God some time, and I'm sure He'll give it back to you. ♥

Sincerely,

Stephanie Ann

~~

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 

    Two are better than one, 
      Because they have a good reward for their labor. 
       For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. 
      But woe to him who is alone when he falls, 
      For he has no one to help him up.