I shall explain!
My excitement...it has its reasons. A sort of happiness randomly goin' on here. It's an interesting feeling, and mentioning it so much makes me realize that there MUST be something causing it. ☺
Not only that, but we're in March now! I do remember great things happening in March the past two years for me. Although, perhaps its not about March. I'm hoping for good things at the moment anyway. Everyone wishes that, right?
I began dealing with really random feelings and thoughts, and that lead to a lot of nights of crying. Sometimes it was cries from fear, sometimes cries from hurt. I was desperately seeking God for guidance and joy. I had stuff going on in my "heart" and I was really beginning to get confused because I was scared that it would go away and I'd regret it (that sorta thing).
But He really did help me through that. I still had those nights of tears, but then it got better. I told myself I'd let go completely. And I was able to do it! I felt relieved, and different, and I experienced this really strong joy of happiness. It lasted a week, and then after that it was two weeks of still feeling great because I still had hope inside of me.
Eventually though it died to the point of me thinking, "...Maybe I didn't let go completely?" The feelings and thoughts about what I did let go started coming back. Then I prayed again for that faith and guidance, and I felt better.
What exactly gave me hope, anyway? It seemed a certain thing did, but I can see now it was something totally different. I saw a person one day who I began to think about often. I wondered who he was, the possibility of meeting, and I started making this big deal over it in my head. Everything I'd hear, I felt like it was something from God. But then I found out that the person I saw was completely NOT what I thought. As silly as it sounds, I was told he was younger than me. [I guess some people have the tendency to look older.]
Then I was like.. but it wasn't even about wanting to meet him or anything anymore. I got hope because he symbolized something. THAT is when it all made sense to me. Now I don't even think about him or anything (with the exception of me mentioning him right now). It DID give me hope.
It told me I did let go completely of what I held onto, to get God's answer.
That's really hard to read into though, and so I won't. Because I continously said before that, "Let go, if they're meant to be in your life, they'll come back. If they're not meant, they won't." Interesting enough, this particular person I did let go of did not leave, and I found myself back at where I began, ONLY THIS TIME IT WAS STRONGER. =]
It's a love I speak of. Growing to admire someone for who they've become in your life, and hoping they'd stay long and not leave. Enjoying time spent with them because you feel happy. Putting aside any type of "argument" or anything that hurt before because what's more important is WHY you're friends in the first place.
This is going to turn into a completely long entry because I totally just forgot about the title, which was what I was going to talk about! Now that I've somewhat explained...this is what I've been meaning to get to...
It's the ingredients right now that I'm looking at. It's not dinner yet, and it has yet to cook.
The idea came to me today before I left my house. I really feel like God is preparing something great. But nothing exactly is happening. It's like getting the ingredients ready. You're not eating anything, you're not setting the table already, but it's being prepared. So I feel as though God is getting a meal prepared and will soon be cooking it before I can eat this dinner He's making.
And that is where the excitement comes from. I FEEL (SMELL) the good (food) being prepared! It's like almost an "anxious" feeling that a child gets waiting to open his or her presents on Christmas. They want to see what's inside so bad, but they have to wait until their mom and dad says they can open it.
I'm waiting for my Father to let me open the present, in other words! And I'm EXCITED to see what's inside. ☼
The "feelings" aren't something I go by. It's the love I feel to give that matters now. It's a good feeling to know its there, and I'm not really sure I want it to go away anymore. I kind of hope...it stays.
To God be the glory.
Forever and ever.
♥ Always,
Stephanie Ann
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