Yet.

I cannot explain what I saw in those eyes, but they didn't go dull. They had so many unsaid feelings inside of them. I smiled like I normally did and it came naturally. I thought if I let you go that day, I'd have that memory of us to hold onto. But you were so you in such a different light. You were like a protection that almost broke away from me, but I was still comforted. For either one last time, or a lifetime. I couldn't put my finger on it, I couldn't understand what was happening. I just knew exactly what I had in front of me and would not have the heart to throw that away.

I was shaking upon your arrival, nervous because I was about to show you how much you matter. Upon receiving your gifts, you seemed satisfied. But it was your almost speechlessness that confirmed I broke into your heart. What seemed bad timing was the most perfect timing, but I had nothing to do with the arrangement. It was as if God was up there telling us to take one more look at what we had with each other. That if you walk away, you'll still matter the intense amount that you do to me. Because here, I'll be willing to give you all that I have. And without you, I'll set it aside, protected in the very safe place that I like to call my heart.

Perhaps it was all meant to be that we took the journey that we did. Everything fell easily into place and when I followed you, I knew exactly where I was going. We passed so many places that we planted memories at, and I knew that no matter what, there'd always be something there to remind me of you. But as our time ended, we forgot one thing. To say goodbye. But when I looked back at you as I walked off, it wasn't a goodbye to me.

And you haven't lost me yet.

21 Years Ago.

Twenty-One years ago, God brought into this world someone wonderful. It took 16.7 years for him to find me, but he did. I couldn't ask for a better story than this. Today I celebrate the fact that he's alive, and that I had the honors in knowing him. And although he may want to continue on without me, I know I'll still wait for him. I gave my heart to him indubitably at some point of our friendship. Wherever he goes, a part of me he will take. And I'll be taking a part of him with me as well.

He brought me out of my tiny shell and showed me the world. He poured confidence upon me and opened my mind. He taught me how to be alive. And I learned the importance of love. As I watched him grow, I grew dramatically so. When I saw him, I saw no one else. He became the best target I could set. I'll never forget all that he's ever done to me. Every tear that I may shed will belong solely to him. With him, I was more alive than ever. He knew how to take my worries away and make me laugh. He never even had to try, it was just natural for him to do so. I love him with my entire heart and I always will.

I'll be waiting.


Happy birthday, moose.

I Love You Enough.

While you're gone, I'll miss you every single day. I didn't see this coming, and I didn't prepare for it. But it's here. And I must deal with it. This is how much I love you. To finally let you go as you choose to leave. I'll always love you, and I'll never forget you. And while you're gone, I will keep the door open so that if you choose to return, I'll greet you with open arms. We shared the most incredible four years I could ever ask for. As all of our memories collide into one pool of sorrow, I won't give up hope. I know you'll be okay.

And that's all that matters.