Time.

Day after day I wonder endlessly why ever this has lasted what seems so long. With you flows my inspiration, and gone have you taken it. I pretend still that you are alive in me, as if you never parted long ago. When I unfortunately remember you are but a clear shadow now, I am never content. As I finally accept I'm not the high priority in your ever-too-busy lifestyle, I step not forward toward you. Must I prolong the rid of the happy thoughts I've stored? Shall I continue to gaze upon our faces in a picture? I cannot find that proper strength to completely misplace you. I occasionally wonder if you care, as if it should matter. I guess it does to me.

I've promised to wait for the many things we planned. But you've broken too many of the promises you couldn't even make. I see now that I have officially lost the most important thing I had no idea I had with you. I should have cherished it so much more before, but now it's gone. You've failed to give it to me and perhaps I don't deserve it anymore. Although I never took it lightly. I always held it tight when I had it. I stretched its length as long as I could. You see, I miss it an immense amount, but I'll accept that I cannot openly have it. You found your priorities. I can clearly see them above me. And the one thing you fail to give me is your time.

A Good Cry.

I have that occasional cry now and then. I'll sit myself down against my bedside, run the heater for warmth on my feet, and ponder life. I allow the deepest things closest to my heart to take flight into my mind and usually a tear or two forms. If I ponder long enough and think about the most effective scenarios, I'll drop heavy tears. I only allow this to happen as to not hold it so harshly in. I need a good cry just to still feel alive and careful, that I'm still enduring. I need that feeling that I am fighting, and if I feel as if I'm sitting, I ache. If I have not a task to do, not a battle to war in, I feel so useless and it rather causes a different pain. A worthless pain.

As nothing happens, I wonder what's being stirred. What is to change? Because even though you've faded a bit, you still remain buried in my heart. I'll just keep hoping we never lose each other. If the world ever attempts to pull you down, I'll always be here to hold out my hand and pull you back up. I never want you to ever feel worthless ever again.



I still love you.

Smitten.

Were you just born to grow like that? The clothes on your body rest so wonderfully, hugging only when necessary. And here I find myself thinking of such a simple thing and I'm so drawn. Someone help me not think so much on this! You're the blurred and daydreamed image from my past, now presently real. It increases my cravings to take hold of you and hug you until time ends. You're stronger than I, and even something like that makes me adore you. At your simple touch, I freeze inside. Maybe you've noticed it. I've caught myself showing the signs that your nearness is my weakness. I thought I read it in your eyes that you saw, but I know not for sure. You're easily you, and I'm smitten. You're so lucky to walk around as the person I could only hope and wish to stand close to for always. ♥

Just Tired.

It feels like an entire decade has gone by since I've had the proper motivation to write out my sincere thoughts. But that's the thing; I don't think I know my sincere thoughts anymore. I go about two weeks without being around you, and then I see you for a small segment in a day, and then back to two more weeks and some odd days. I begin feeling as if I miss you, but as that fades, I just miss us. Maybe spending time apart was really the true solution to allowing you to fade from my life. And as you received what you maybe wanted, I'd just cry it out until I forgot what it felt like to be near you.

Maybe that's ridiculous to even think about. Maybe you're changing and I just don't know it yet. Somehow I want out of this icky feeling. It doesn't make sense to me and it's pulling me down daily. You should do something about this. Just step up and make a move. I'm out of actions to commit with us. I really am. I've done a lot, if you didn't notice. I think it's your turn. I'm tired. I'm used up. And I only wish to feel appreciated as much as I've grown to appreciate you. You have the ability to scare me. Please don't use it.

Let's just love each other truly now.