You.

I am unsure of how to explain any further details of what is going on in my mind. I find myself lost in thought at the dinner table while staring down at the food I just prepared. There is no other breathing soul around me as I eat alone. Behind me I see outside, the clouds turning gray, hovering over me. Should this make me sad?

This has caused me to take note in what impact I've received. A total motivation to do things I never previously have taken the time to do. A feeling of appreciation and care. I've opened my mind to details I blurred at one time. I am speechless and overwhelmed by it all. But as the warm tears fill up my eyes and fall hastily down my cheeks, I am reminded of why I feel so alone in the moment.

I cannot get the thought of our laughter out of my mind. I think upon every good deed you've ever committed in my life. As I gaze at all that has existed because of you, I wonder why. Despite our situation, you have cared for me beyond what I could have imagined. Whether you've noticed this or not, it is in the utmost true. You care about my education, my talents, and my health. In the smallest ways, you've changed me. And in the largest ways, you've impacted my life for the better.

But I know what this has done to me. It has caused me to look upon you as someone very special. It has caused me to become happy over your presence. It has caused me to feel okay, just as long as I still have you around. To look at another human being and feel so understood. To know that as long as I have you, I will not have to worry about anything that comes my way.

I'm so sorry to have grown this attached to your personality. I thought over time that what's meant to be would be. Maybe I would have been able to move on as to not make you feel uncomfortable about me. I cannot explain to you why I found that route impossible. All that we've been through, all that we've done, however can I just walk away? You make me feel just right. I want to be honest with you. I want to tell you how hard this is, how often I look at the moon at night, wondering what God could possibly be doing right now.

I feel completely close to you because of our recent communication. You are a listening ear. A young man I can trust. But mostly...you have become my best friend.

You've complimented my writing, yet you're the number one reason that I write in the first place.