I LOVE LOVE.

I have an amazingly planned week ahead of me! Right now I must sleep for church tomorrow! YAY for church!

And the college group at 5! FUN STUFF. =D

I'll update with more happy stuff laters.

Until then!

~Stephanie

P.S.

♥♥♥

Better is One Day.

Better is one day in Your courts than thousands elsewhere. :)

Okay. GOOD NEWS. I am doing extremely better today. Simply because I believe. 

Well, thoughts can ruin your mood, or make you feel completely 50 times better. Hehe!

I was just...thinking...because there is no need to worry, we must believe that God is in control. I am allowing Him to lead me to what He wants me to do. And all I have to do is worry about MYSELF. My actions, the way I come across to others, if I'M shining my light to friends and family (and even strangers!) Life is just too short to waste on nothing important.

We gotta give it ALL up! God is the one standing there with His arms wide open and I'm pretty sure, according to His word, that He's pretty much saying, "I'm waiting for YOU." We're not robots. He can't force us to follow Him. And that's the joy in it all! Choosing God is special because it's a CHOICE. 

A CHOICE is more important. If you do not choose something, then it isn't even special. It's better to say, "I chose to follow God" than it is to say "I have to."

He wants us to WANT Him. Not to do it "just because." And it's a beautiful thing. 

If it wasn't, I wouldn't be so happy today. I wouldn't be able to get through any of this ...STUFF... My life may not be at its best right now, but I truly believe that God is preparing my future. And I have to go through this to learn and grow so that I will see how wonderful God really is.

It's the holidays pretty much, and I'm excited for Christmas. Because it's the only holiday to me that I feel the most love. From everyone around me! And how dark it is, but that we have lights to shine at night. Because it's only in the dark that you can really see the light. And that's when we should shine the most!

I'd rather spend one day with God than a thousand places elsewhere.

He's what makes me...truly happy. And He knows exactly what I need.

Therefore I leave everything up to Him.

♥ Stephanie Ann ♥

P.S.

Just open your eyes and THEN you'll see what He gave you. :)

The Cause of Pain.

You know what causes the pain?

When you care. 

When you care a lot for someone. And it's like you pretty much take on their burdens anyway, so there's adding to the pain. The nice thing is..is that you don't have to care. It's a choice.

But besides that...there is just...too much pain. Enough to make me give up? No.

And it's not because of them...

It's me.

I'm in an emotional state right now...I believe so. I mean, I know because I've been happy and I read old stuff like this and I'm like "OH my gosh! I should've believed it'd get better!"

But I'm not happy. And so I'm like this.

And I know that things will get better. I trust and believe they will. They're just not...better right at the moment...hence this blog.

It makes me feel a little better to write it out. Especially since I don't really feel people read this blog. It's out there, it's public, but it's not that well known, so ... I CAN write.

Ughhh...I keep crying. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know what's going to keep me happy. I'm scared that all the thoughts I had and have are wrong, and that it's all going to go away and I'm going to almost regret the thoughts. But maybe I won't. Maybe I'll rather learn from them. I still don't want to think I'm wrong...

Not that I'm right...but this...hurts.

It hurts deep in my heart. And I'm confused. That doesn't help. I wish I knew these things, I just wish I knew what was on the other side of this storm...just so I know what I'm waiting and hoping for. Just so I know what breakthrough will happen... and yet I don't. Which makes sense.. because we can't exactly know the future, or it wouldn't be the future.

I keep dreaming too. I have way too many of them lately. Weird ones, nice ones, etc. 

Some things keep me going. But if you get too involved in something, it's like you're asking just to be HURT. And I think that's what I'm doing.

I could just stop caring and care much less than I normally do. Go about my life without a care in the world. But that's not me. I ... can't do that! It's like.. I can't even stay mean or mad or anything. I just want the other person to understand that I would rather be happy and let them know I'm sorry...even if over the smallest things. I don't hold grudges.

But that's it... I constantly tell myself to care and love for people, to have patience...even if I know that I don't get that same treatment in return. I do nothing to hurt people. And if I do, I don't mean it and I hope they tell me. I don't want someone mad at me. And when it happens, I get that fear that it'll stay that way and I want to try so hard to make it go away, to put myself so much below that person that I am nothing. 

But where is this getting me? Here? In my room? In tears?
Praying that hopefully, soon, something is going to change. That there doesn't have to be any problems. That we can live a happy life doing things we want to do, things that please us and make us smile.

The promises you've made, are you keeping them? Are you being true to YOUR word?

What if...I'm the only reason the friendship is still...alive?

Sincerely,

Stephanie Ann

P.S.

Just don't...change who you are...and I won't change who I am. Then we'll be happy.

HOW!?

Just tell me HOW you deal with a situation like THIS?

Like...seriously! HOW?

Do you ignore the truth of what is? Do you just ignore the fact that you care?

Do you ignore yourself just so they might be satisfied?

I doubt it satisfies them.


Hmm...perhaps I would fall apart if you left.

Or maybe I'll just be getting stronger. ;)