Just For You.

Now I understand.

The reality of the matter has finally hit my mind. It's not you who stabs my heart. I've viewed you as a treasure and I've come to hate when someone pours dirt on you. This affects you because I truly mean I care for you. Our bond has taught me that we can't get what we want and like it. Because I never wanted this before I knew you. We are introduced to who we need and what's meant to be is impossible to leave. The only things that bother me are the things that make you less than who I know you're meant to be. You're only a top priority in my life because you made it this far. I never wanted anyone to make it this far unless they were supposed to stay.

I am not criticizing you, I'm just so determined to see you polished. I find no reason to feel wrong that I want you to remain a shiny treasure. If my care makes you uncomfortable, it's because you're hurting me internally without trying. The more I set you high, the more you know your words will be daggers to my heart. But I have chosen this, and I know you are capable of turning those daggers into roses. But I am going to care for you no matter what. I have become strong through my weakness.

If I cared not for your life, I would not waste my time crying. Your smile does wonders because you are not just someone I know, but someone I trust. A feeling of safety and respect. I could tell the big difference when I received the lack of respect from others. I find myself thankful for God allowing you to stay. I only tried pushing you away because I was so scared to listen to feelings. But perhaps I wanted to watch you come back. Maybe somehow I knew you'd always come back, and I pushed as hard as I can, yet still keeping that hope that I was doing the wrong thing. I could never be content with your absence in my life. A life without peace on that matter would eternally obliterate me.

This is my honesty. If I ever do find a scratch on your surface, I will not scold you for it. I will polish it. I naturally want to reach out to you because I think you deserve love. I can sit in front of you and feel just right, forgetting about anything negative. You're perfection to me in an imperfect form. I say this because I find it true--not to win you over. Can you honestly deny our bond? We read each other's minds and blurt our similar thoughts. Neither one of us can explain that, but I really don't find need to. Someone like you and someone like me somehow made it through very tough situations.

I almost thought that my unconditional love and patience that I strive to have is the only reason we're still friends. But I know somewhere deep down in your heart you understand the connection that holds us in place here just like I do. I've only made it this far because I truly do mean all the things I've said to you. Every time I see you, eventually I have this urge to say something new that goes on in my mind, but then over time I dismiss it with hesitation and stalling. It's not that I'm scared, but that I think things are meant to be said on perfect timing. My hesitation and the act of stalling has helped me wait things out.

I've grown a fear of hurting you, of losing you, and of starting an argument. But I have dealt with these fears so that I may look at you and understand that you shouldn't be treated as an enemy. And I should not fear you. You are the sole reason why I have learned that unconditional love is definitely a requirement when I mean what I say. Had I not meant anything, I would have walked away. But here I am. Until you understand why I'm here, I will be figuring out why you're here. I'd pray you away again, but I don't want to be selfish anymore. I did it because I thought I couldn't handle what I've handled for over a year now. God proved me wrong.

Here I am writing, trying my best to use this talent to speak volumes to a one-person audience. You told me once that I could use this to reach out to people. So here I am using it for you too. I could spend hours thanking you, but you should know by now you are highly praised. Even if just by me.

This will only make you feel different because it's true. I wrote this just for you.