Hopeful Sorrow.

Oh, how I sincerely wish I could relocate my knowledge into your brain to give you the understanding of my hopeful sorrow. Unfortunately you'll have to highly depend on my honesty and words I speak to you. Not that I've fully spoken, but that I desire to spread across the table my genuine heart. In my eyes there will be your exact reflection and down my cheek in a single tear you will fall. Upon the breaking of that tear drop a knock will exist on the very door of your own heart. I'll blink away the moment and a smile will overly try to paste itself to my face. As I swallow your tension away, I'll admit to you my undeniable hardships.

I've tried for this long, and I'm continuing to do so. To be strong when you push and content when you're away. But I'm ever too weak to not weep and I'm much too anxious over your desultory reticence. But in my affection you remain, rooted deep down beyond reach. And just to see you beam once again in my presence makes the waiting all the more worth it. You subconsciously treat my mind like a book, reading it until the end. Here I fail to keep in a secret and there you go deciphering it nonetheless. For the sake of the quintessence of our friendship, I long-suffer.

You see, my dear, I've already spent my time trying to figure this out. Just as much as I've spent my time understanding my calling. But in the wilderness of my tribulation I was pointed out and set aside to be a light in the darkness. I'll patiently wait for each new vicissitude and direction, for you are like a pearl in a pile of rocks. Shamelessly you shall stand in the direction of my gaze and lovingly I will call your name. I am commanded not only to love, but to consider your needs above my own. Must I remind you that God is love? I can already tell He has no intention to give up on calling you out.

In my compassion I'll keep you, and when I speak to you words of honesty, I know you'll listen. Say to me what you desire, but understand where you stand in my life. I keep you down in the deepest and most fragile and tender place. There you remain so unequivocally steadfast, resting in my heart. In my distress over our circumstances, in my lowest state of affliction, I'll look only into your eyes and tell you I'm trying. I know I see something most definitely different inside the windows upon your face. I cannot imagine the lamentation of a good-bye, for I do not desire that misery. I'll be sincere, you're like the prize at the end of a race. And if I must crawl my way to the end, I will.

I do not know what to do, but I am trying. Just hold on.