TLW - Random Scenes from My Story.

I was just re-reading my story that I wrote back in 2006. I found some little scenes interesting, for the fact that I wrote it so long ago. Who knows if they have meaning or anything, but I thought I'd put some here... :)

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[May 2, 2011 - Sunday]

"That day will come," he spoke softly.

"I know. And so will yours. Just have to wait, right? Always trust in God."

"You think mine will?"

"Of course." Her gaze went back to his and she gave him a wry smile. "What is it that you really want in this life that God hasn’t given you?"

"I've wanted it since college. Somehow I didn't get it. I'm still waiting." Matthew looked down at his locked hands and chuckled. "Maybe I'm not praying loud enough. Or maybe, like I said, God put me on hold."

Stephanie was struck in the heart at his statement. She knew it wasn't true. "Matthew, God doesn't put anything on hold. Especially his people. He hears you. The time will come. Sometimes it's staring you in the face." She smiled at him as he gazed into her eyes with a serious look.

"Staring me in the face, huh?"

She laughed. "Well, not literally. I always think of the possibilities of how I ended up here and the reason God has me at where I am today."

He glanced at his watch, then up at Laura. "Yeah..." Matthew turned his head to Stephanie. "I guess you're right. You must have a billion people who love you. I honestly didn't think I'd run into someone here that'd make me feel...good about life. Now I seem to have more hope for my dreams."

"Dreams?"

"Yeah."

He never gave her a direct or specific answer and seemed to keep it quiet. She prayed silently for Matthew so he'd find whatever it is he was looking for. Oh, God. Please help Matthew; he really needs You most right now. Help him to find that thing in life that he wants so much. And help me, too. To see the things that are right, and things that are wrong. Thank you, Lord.

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[Sunday, June 4, 2011]

He sent her a smile.

She mentally wiped it off his face. Why does he have to smile like that? Is that what makes her think of him all the time? She can't fall in love with him. She already told herself her whole life she'd not fall in love with some man, only be friends until she felt more...but as a friend. Except, is she shutting down all men when she does that? Where is Mr. Right and how will she know?

Sometimes it's staring you in the face. Her own words came to mind. The only thing staring her in the face was his smile.

"...which helped, went to a four year college, found a job, moved to Gilroy and started my life." He finished his speech, which she felt bad for since she ignored half of it.

"Wow."

He chuckled. "You didn't catch any of that, did you?"

How would he know? She smirked. "Yes, I did. Sorry, I may have missed some, though. I can't think lately."

"Me, neither. Join the club." He leaned his elbows on the table.

"Sure, why not? What's the password?" She joked.

"Daydreaming."


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[June 16, 2011, Friday]

Stephanie headed to her car again and thanked God for everything she could think of. God, I know you have big plans for my life, and I'm trying my best to follow You and serve You. Give me signs to help me to follow Your plans. If I'm wrong in a way, show me, please. I love You so much. Oh, and please protect Matthew and bless him. He's a great guy. If so, let my future husband be like him. But I confess, I wish he were mine. If I'm wrong, send me a sign, God. Thank you.

Arriving home, Stephanie walked inside once at the door and sighed. She missed that day she bumped into Matthew at the store. She missed the day she went out for lunch with him. She missed the day when she went out to get ice cream with him. The day when they were at the park. She missed when he would laugh and look at her as if she mattered. She missed his blue eyes and the crease in his cheek when he grinned. She even missed the warmth of his hand over hers when he walked her and Laura across the street.

She missed him the most. She missed the way he made her feel comfortable around him. His funny jokes, his personality, his beliefs, him.

"Er!" Stephanie fell face down on her bed and covered her head with her pillow. "Get out of my head, Matthew. Oh, God. Why am I feeling like this?" She was mumbling into the bed as she spoke, and didn't care that she wanted to cry. She could feel the tears coming and soaking into the blanket. "Why do I miss him? Is this what is to happen? I know there has to be a reason why we met. I think my heart is unlocked, God. I think I met whom you gave the key to. Please stop this feeling if it's wrong. I don't want to fall in love with the wrong person. Except Matthew seems too perfect. Is he my prince charming? Please help me to understand your plans. I will always trust you, Lord." She turned her head so her cheek lay on the pillow and closed her eyes.

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[June 17, 2011, Saturday]

"Ready to go, ladies?" asked Matthew as everyone stood. Stephanie got up quickly and nodded.

"Yep, let's go," said Sarah, grabbing her bag from the couch.

Daniel reached for Sarah's hand and they walked together outside. Once Stephanie stepped outside and Matthew shortly after, Daniel shut the door and locked up. He found his way back to Sarah's side and she smiled at him. They laughed at something as she looked up at Daniel. Stephanie wanted that.

She looked at Matthew and realized he was watching her. She felt uncomfortable and looked away, walking closer to him now. She wanted to be near him because she wanted him. She wanted to hug him and ask him if everything will be okay. If he'll protect her and never let go. But she wanted something else, too. She wanted him to love her back.

He saw her expression, he must have. Because now he lightly touched her arm and asked her, "You okay?"

Stephanie forced a smile, then thought about God. He wouldn't want her to lie to Matthew. She has to be happy, though. She'll show God's love through herself by...being herself. So she told him best she could. "Actually, I was thinking too much. But now I'm doing well because God is so good, you know? He can make two people so happy together." They reached the car and she smiled at him, satisfied with the answer she gave. He opened the door and watched as the couple also did the same, like her and him.

Stephanie stood looking at him before sitting in the car and he said, "Yeah, He can." His eyes went to the loved ones in the back and his head jerked to motion to look at the two.

But before she sat in, she said, "I didn't mean them." With that, she sat in and he stood there, staring out into the sky. Then, he got in and drove off.

Matthew came with their food orders and set them on the tall table with the spinning seats. Stephanie ran to him and squealed.

"Yum! Thanks, Matthew, you're the best!" She giggled, sticking a fry in her mouth and smiling at him, feeling like a young teen hanging with her friends at the bowling alley.

The loud sound of balls hitting the hardwood floor sounded in the whole room. The crash of them hitting the pins was heard over and over, it was obvious where one was. Sarah was on her turn to bowl, while Daniel cheered her on.

With the look on Matthew's face every time he looked at Stephanie, he obviously hadn't gotten over what she said before they left Sarah's house. God can make two people happy, and she was hoping He'd put them together. But she knew it was His will on who He had for her. But Matthew was already claiming her heart without realizing it.

"You okay? You don't seem the same." Stephanie waved a hand in front of his face and he blinked and smiled.

"Yeah."

"Lying is a sin, Matthew," she teased. "Tell me what is really wrong."

He gazed into her eyes and leaned in. "They make love look so easy."

She was stunned by his statement, but knew he was thinking hard about love ever since she told him she hadn't meant God making Sarah and Daniel happy. Even though God put them together, too.

She sighed. "Why would it be hard?"

He looked scared, but shook it away. "How does someone even know they're in love?"

Daniel called his name and Matthew hurried over for his turn. Stephanie thought for a moment at what he asked and then felt the hand of Sarah on her back. Matthew thought it was hard to love, or what? And is he saying he loves someone, but doesn't know it? Does he love her?

"You all right?" Sarah asked with great sympathy.

Stephanie figured she wouldn't ruin their day and smiled hard. God is in control now, she reminded herself. God is in control. Trust Him.

"Perfect." She grinned and walked back to the screen with their scores. Matthew was last to go on every turn. It went from Stephanie, to Sarah, to Daniel, to Matthew. Everyone had one turn so far on a ten-turn game. First one, Stephanie hit five pins and Sarah hit all. Daniel hit the gutter, but Sarah kissed him anyway. Matthew now hit only two. Whatever is on his mind must have affected him.

Stephanie came to the edge of the bowling stand and smiled. Here goes. "They just do, Matthew. You just feel it." She smiled when he looked back with the bowling ball in his hand. He held it like a feather, whereas she held it like it weighed more than her. And she got a light ball.

Matthew just looked with a small bit of doubt in his eyes, and then smiled. He swung the ball and threw it hard. It hit all the pins and Stephanie jumped for joy.

"Matthew! You did it! You hit all of them!" She squealed and smiled at him as he grinned at her and walked up to her.

"I think I am," he said, then walked to Daniel and high-fived. He looked at his score and Stephanie blinked, confused.

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[July 4, 20011]

Moments later, Stephanie was under the sheets staring out the window with the moonlight casting down through the curtains. She fell into a deep sleep and a dream appeared...

"Honey, I'm home," calls the man's voice.

Stephanie runs to the stairs from upstairs and quickly makes it downstairs. She sees him hanging his coat in the closet near the front door. She smiles to him and makes it to his side. He smiles down at her until it turns into a grin. She thrusts her arms around him and looks up into his dark blue eyes.

"Hey, beautiful." He leans in and kisses her tenderly upon the lips then moves back and caresses her cheek.

"How was work?" She smells his cologne and likes it.

"Not as good as this." He chuckles.

Next thing that happens is they're now walking in a field and he's walking ahead. He finally turns around and looks at her while he continues forward. Stephanie looks at him and cocks her head to one side.

"Why are you so far ahead?"

"I'm sorry." He gazes at her with an odd expression. He seems to be getting further and further.

"Matthew?" She calls his name.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"Matthew, come back!" She tries to catch up, but he just looks at her as he continues to move forward.

"Matthew!" she yells.
"It's not time yet. Wait for me."
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[July 8th, 2011]

"Hey, so you caught it this time. You know what that means. You're next!" Her smiled faded when she saw Stephanie's frown. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was looking for someone. I thought they were here." She turned around and waved her hand. "Oh, well."

She didn't expect him to dissipate or just leave for whatever reason. He wasn't in the crowd, she looked. She could spot his face anywhere. Heather patted her back.

"Go look in the church. I'll meet you out here." She smiled before heading back to the crowd. Sarah waved from the top before sinking in and driving off. Stephanie would see them again for the reception in two hours.

She headed to the church quickly and fast. Once she entered, she looked back and forth, side to side. She didn't see him, so she walked in the wide open doors to the main sanctuary and looked around at all the pews. That's when she spotted the familiar head and the gelled up hair.

Matthew.

She walked slowly to him, as to not interrupt in case he wanted to be alone for a certain reason. She slipped in the pew and sat next to him. He was leaning over, his elbows on his knees, his hands on the sides of his head, and his head down. She rested her hand on his back and leaned with him.

He slowly let his hands fall and his head turned to her. He looked up at her. He wasn't smiling, or grinning, or anything sweet. He was just looking. As if something was getting to him. Like he wanted to cry, but wouldn't.

She smiled for him. He sat up straight as she took her hand off his back and rubbed his arm. Matthew took in a breath, then sighed as he looked up to the stage. When his gaze found hers, he grabbed her hand that sat on her lap and rested it between his. Finally, he spoke.

"Please don't worry about me. I'm fine." He picked her hand up, and then laid it back down. He soon let go of it and rested his elbows on his knees again, rubbing his face. She looked at him confused and displeased with his behavior.

"Worry about you? Why would I worry about you?" she asked, turning a little more to face him.

He shrugged. "Because of how I've been acting."

"I guess I haven't noticed until now," she said coldly.

He shook his head as he looked to the floor. "Please don't waste your time on me. Or in here. Go have fun with them."

Her heart suddenly was beating against her chest. His words hurt her in a way she didn't want to get used to; she didn't want to feel again. Her breathing increased now.

"Waste my time? Matthew, what are you talking about?" she punctured.

He sat up and looked at her. "Us."

"Us?"

"Yeah, us. I don't deserve you. I don't even deserve myself." He shook his head, looking at her a different way.

"Why do you say that?" She was about to cry; she knew it.

"Because," he started, "I can't provide you anything. I've been alone for a long time now. I live alone with a dog named chocolate, whom, might I add, is now gone." He looked down and rubbed his forehead. "I can't even stay on task at work, I didn't treat you with respect, I almost kissed you when I shouldn't even have been thinking about it. I live miles away and..." He stopped and began to sob as she watched his back move quickly up and down as he sobbed and breathed, sobbed and breathed, then a sigh.

She cocked her head and drew her eyebrows together. Why would he think such a thing?

"Matthew, I don--"

"Go!" He stood and pointed to the door. "Just go, please." His eyes showed fear and sadness.

She shook her head as she stood. "What--"

"Go!" he yelled.

Her heart hurt worse than ever. "Okay," she simply said, and walked out the door without looking back, tears welling up.
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[July 16, 2011 Sunday]

Riding back home from church, Stephanie took in a deep breath. She peered out the window and watched the trees go by, cars pass, and people walk to whatever destination they pleased. She wondered what went on in their lives. Was it as confusing as hers? Did they have someone in their life that they loved?

As she stopped at a red light, she decided to go left instead of right. And when she was there, she went right instead of left. Soon, she found herself in a neighborhood unknown to her. She turned on different streets until she was lost.

She drove out and saw the beach ahead. Once she parked her car at the side of the road, she looked to the right and saw the waves far out in the ocean. Getting out of the car, a butterfly flew and landed on her shoulder. Once she turned her head, it flew away. She watched as it fluttered its wings and flew to the sky.

What would it be like to fly? Just get away. Feel free....

She walked out to the sand a distance away. She found an area with no people around. Back around the rocks. She started to run to it, feel the breeze...

And feel the coolness on her cheek; the tears that now broke the dam and fell free. Why is she crying?

She threw her arms out to the tall rock and stopped herself. Falling to the floor, Stephanie rolled up in a ball and hugged her knees. She watched the water crash, the wind blow, and the sky slowly move. The sun was hiding behind the clouds. Just like she wanted to do when she couldn't think. Or couldn't STOP thinking.

She rested her chin on her kneecaps and let her arms fall to the sand. Picking up some sand in her hands, she let the soft, tiny grains fall through her fingers. Tears now poured slowly down her cheek.

She loves him. She can't stop thinking about him! It's like he's this shelter in the middle of the road. As if she was alone on a road to happiness and couldn't find a way. But there he was, this shelter. And when she found it, she wanted to stay. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to leave his shelter.

She wanted to run into his arms and not let anyone disturb her, not even him. She wanted to look into his eyes and see forever. She wanted him to...love her, so she knows how it feels. She wanted to see his face, see her hero. She wanted God to hold both of them together because she loved him.
She got up from her spot and wiped her tears. Running up the hill, she made it back to her car and turned it on.
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